WHY YOU SHOULD NEVER GET OFFENDED BY SOMETHING SOMEONE SAYS TO YOU [2-min read]

When’s the last time you got offended?

It’s happened to me plenty of times. In fact, in a recent personality test I took, I scored max scores on the areas of ‘wants to be liked’ and ‘wants to like’. This score taught me a lot. When you’re someone that wants to be liked that much, you can be very easily offended – and looking back, I definitely was. I never showed it really, but often I would be left reeling by things people said to me.

Things had to change. So I decided to deeply analyse every situation where I found myself offended by something someone said to me. This process was fascinating – my main realisation was that we should never get offended by anything someone else says to you, and here’s why…

It all comes down to intentions – either the person intended to offend you or they didn’t. Here’s why this is important.

THEY DIDN’T INTEND TO OFFEND YOU

Imagine someone has just said something to you and you’re offended. The thing is, they didn’t mean to. They had no idea that those words they just said were offensive to you, and most likely, if they knew they were, they never would have said them. This is a case of a simple mistake on their part, and it means one of 2 things. Either, they are being careless with their language, or you’re taking things too seriously or too quickly to heart.

If they are being careless, then simply tell them. Explain that you find what they said uncomfortable and why – I’m sure they will understand. If you’re taking things to heart to quickly, then realise this. Either way, if someone has said this with no intention to offend you, then the last thing you need to do is get offended!

THEY DID INTEND TO OFFEND YOU

This can happen I found. There are cases when people say things that they know will hurt or offend you. In these cases, for some reason, that person doesn’t want you to feel good about yourself or feel happy. If this is the case, they have an issue – not you. It means that on some level they are feeling insecure, threatened or just unhappy about themselves – when someone intentionally sets out to offend you this tells you lots about them and nothing about you.

When this happens, you have a few options. Firstly, you can brush it off and ignore it. However, if you’re feeling good about yourself (and you should be by the way!) then you can even try to help that person, and find out what is making them feel so bad that they want to offend you. This is tricky, and won’t always deliver results, but you can always try. Anyway, the point here is, you should NOT get offended.

HOME TRUTHS

There is one exception to the above – Home Truths. This is when someone says something that is fundamentally true, without intending to offend us, but it hurts to hear, so we get offended. This is an exception because as people, we have different tolerances for feedback. Some people can take brutal/constructive feedback, and others need feedback to be delivered in a softer fashion. In an occasion where someone is giving feedback (which you probably need to hear) and it hurts you to hear, you have two options. First, you can politely tell the person you’re speaking to that this particular subject is difficult for you, and you’re working on it. Or, you can take it on the chin, and take the feedback on board. I would always choose option two, but it’s entirely up to you.

BRINGING IT ALL TOGETHER

Being offended is pointless. Nothing productive ever came from getting offended, and I doubt it ever will. This doesn’t mean to say it’s easy to avoid – it happens to all of us. This article is intended to help you realise that when people are actively trying to offend you, it says much more about them than you. Only you can truly pass judgement on yourself, so when you hear others do so – let it pass off you like water off a duck’s back.