Why You Should (and How You Can) Make This Month a "No"-vember

Are you a people-pleaser like me, with a tendency to say “yes” to everything -- and everyone -- only to find that, as a result, you fail to get any of your own stuff done?

If so, I’ve found a simple (though not, necessarily, easy) solution to this dilemma:?

Start saying, “No.”

I’m not talking about saying no to friends or family or colleagues -- people you care about, who rely on you, or who need your help. I’m referring to your being more selective and more consciously aware of how – and with whom – you choose to spend your limited and valuable time.

Start by asking yourself -- and honestly answering -- these three questions:

* Are you filling your calendar with tasks and activities that are unproductive -- or maybe even counterproductive?

* Are you investing a lot of time doing favors for, or acting out of obligation to, people who are just draining your energy or taking advantage of your goodwill?

* Do you agree to allow people you barely know to “pick your brain,” thereby leaving you with progressively fewer brain cells with which to focus on your own priorities? (*If so, here's an innovative -- and potentially lucrative -- suggestion that will allow you to get paid for these kinds of requests: Create your own Pick My Brain profile!)

If you know the classic metaphor about?the jar of rocks, pebbles, and sand, this is exactly what I had been doing. As the analogy goes: If you fill up the jar (i.e., your life) with small, insignificant stuff (the “sand and pebbles”), you will have no space left for the important things that really matter (the “big rocks”).

So, if you are looking for a sign of inspiration to make a change, it is right there in the first two letters of this month’s calendar: “NO”-vember!

The Solution

Over these last two months of the year, make the commitment to yourself to only say “yes” to those things that are going to allow you to meet your year-end goals and/or to help set yourself up for success in the new year.

To help you get a running start, here are a few real-life examples/suggestions from my end:

Decline: Having recently surpassed 11,000 LinkedIn connections, I’ve lately been more selective in terms of who I accept invites from. And I’ve stopped feeling the need to post every day, or to respond to every single Linkedin or Facebook post that tags me for a Like or a Comment.

Pass: I’ve been politely saying “No, but thank you for asking” to a lot of those generic, “getting to know you” Zoom or coffee meeting requests, as well as turning down invitations to appear on podcasts that may not be the right fit for me or the best investment of time. And I’ve had to make the tough decision to turn down a few project opportunities that I was, actually, interested in, but for which I, simply, did not have the time or mental bandwidth to take on.

Winnow: I’ve narrowed down my list of professional networking groups that I belong to, and events I attend (both online and in-person), and I've unsubscribed from numerous newsletters, keeping only the few that I most enjoy, value, and benefit from.

The Outcome

Reclaiming all those hours by saying "no" has enabled me to be more focused and to reinvest those hours (and my energy) into high-priority commitments and opportunities. As Peter Drucker’s famous adage reminds us: “Time is the scarcest resource. If it is not managed, then nothing else can be.”

Is there some guilt associated with saying no? Yes. Do I often experience FOMO (Fear of Missing Out)? Sometimes. Might some people end up being disappointed? Possibly. Might there be some potential opportunities missed? Probably.

However, if you are currently doing what I was doing, and going as I was going, you know firsthand that maintaining a “say ‘yes’ to everything” habit is neither sustainable nor productive, and is neither mentally nor physically healthy, and often leads to burnout.

The bottom line is that something has to give…before you have nothing left to give. If you are currently feeling as overloaded and overwhelmed as I often do, my recommendation is to give some thought to where and how you spend your time, be more consciously aware of the things and the people you are saying “yes” to, and seek to put this “Just Say No” practice into action.

So, make this a November – and December – to remember…by focusing only on those things that will enable and empower you to achieve your current goals and to realize your future vision. Before making any commitments -- big or small -- hit the metaphorical pause button and ask yourself the "Future Self" Question (which I write about in chapter 12 of my book, VisuaLeadership):

Will my "Future Self" THANK me -- or BLAME me -- for what I am about to do?

After all, saying “no” to others will enable and empower you to say “yes” to yourself.

As Marshall Goldsmith says in What Got You Here Won't Get You There -- my second favorite leadership book of all time -- quoting Peter Drucker: "We spend a lot of time teaching our leaders what to Do. We don't spend enough time teaching them what to Stop."

So…what are YOU going to stop doing -- or say “no” to -- starting this month?

For more on how you can maximize your performance, your productivity, and your potential, please check out my book,?VisuaLeadership: Leveraging the Power of Visual Thinking in Leadership and in Life?(Post Hill Press/Simon & Schuster, 2020).

BIG FAVOR REQUEST: If you have read VisuaLeadership but have not yet posted an Amazon review I would be most grateful if you would! On behalf of my "Future Self," I thank you in advance. :)

Todd

P.S. Oh, and btw, one of the benefits of saying “no” to some things is that it allowed me to be able to say, “yes” to some others -- like my wife's request that we get a puppy (or two!) after putting it off for so many years because we "didn’t have the time.”?Although I do have to admit that little Rosie Cherches (age 1) & Lucy Cherches (age 2) are very hard to say “no” to.