Why you should host the cookout instead of always going to your neighbors...

Imagine this.. you go to a different back yard cookout every weekend for a year. You will no doubt meet some interesting people while tending to the charcoal grill. You'll probably make plans to "get out on the course sometime" with a handful of contemporaries. You may even see some of the same people from other cookouts and politely say, "you look familiar, have we met?".

Unfortunately, because you were constantly bouncing around random circles of people, you rarely got the chance to develop an actual relationship with anyone. Instead, you just keep shaking hands with strangers and never will do "the thing" each of you said you "should look into".

You need to start hosting your own cookout.

Instead of going to everyone else's cookouts, you should host one yourself. Let everyone know where and when and then be the host of this event. Because you are the host, everyone will come up to you and introduce themselves, (This is just normal human behavior when we come into someone else's space). You'll really start to build a relationship with your guests as well. If you really enjoyed each other's company, they will come back to your next party.

Sooner than later, some of the people you built real relationships with will bring their like-minded peers. They of course will then introduce you, the wonderful host, to those new people and then your group begins to expand and deepen.

If you cant already tell by now, this is a theory about networking...

Instead of going to random networking events, passing out 23 business cards and hoping you somehow get a meeting out of the event, figure out a way to be the "host" of the party. This could be achieved by taking on a leadership position with an existing group, or simply found one from scratch.

As the host, you'll still get to network and meet guests, but you gain the social leverage of being the host. People will want to come up to you, thank you, share idea's about future events, and bring new members next time. While all of this is going on, you really have the chance to get to know this people because you see them time and time again.

New business opportunities are much more likely to happen now that you've come to know each other, trust each other and enjoy working together.

100% Full Disclaimer: I did not originate this theory. I first heard it articulated by Gary Vaynerchuck when he uses the example of being the kid in high school who through the house party. He positions it in context about why starting a podcast makes sense for people.

My cookout analogy mentioned above is more closely tied to business networking but the concept is the exact same.

I hope this gives you a new perspective and encourages you to be a host!

• J. Cooper Simmerman, MBA

Disclosure: This is being provided for educational purposes only. Security offered through AXA Advisors, LLC (NY, NY 212-314-4600) member FINRA, SIPC. Annuity and Insurance products offered though AXA Network, LLC. AGE 150835.