Why You Should Forgive Others?

Why Should You Forgive Others?

The greatest sign of divine love is your ability to love your enemies

(Matthew 5:43-45; 6:14-15). Forgiving others is vital to your spiritual well-being because the devil will gain a foothold in your soul to cause bitterness and anger if you don’t forgive (Ephesians 4:26,27,32).

When someone sins against you, the natural response is unforgiveness. Instead, forgive repeat offenders when they sin against you (Luke 17:3-4). It seemed impossible for the apostles to forgive, because they said, “Increase our faith!” (Luke 17:5). Christ said a small faith like a mustard seed is sufficient to release the grudge of unforgiveness and obey God (Luke 17:6).

Why Should You Forgive?

First, forgive others because God has forgiven you. Jesus shared a parable that it was absurd to demand payment for a small debt considering God’s generous forgiveness of your sin, representing a much larger cost of His precious blood (Matthew 18:21-35).

Second, forgive, so Satan doesn’t get a foothold in your life where bitterness, like poison to your soul, leads to depression. You may seek comfort to numb your pain with drinking, eating, prescription drugs, TV, or pornography. It’s also destroys community because bitterness can lead to maligning others, gossip, and causing others to stumble (Luke 17:1-2; Hebrews 12:15).

How Do You Forgive? 

First, remember God’s grace to you after rehearsing imaginary hurtful conversations. Listen to worship music that focuses on God’s grace. Meditate on Scriptures that boldly proclaim the Father’s merciful heart by reading the accounts of Jesus’ death on the cross and parable of the unmerciful servant (Matthew 18:21-35), and Luke 17:1-10. Journal all your sins that God has forgiven and recall His mercy with a grateful heart.

Second, pray blessings on those who sinned against you (Luke 6:27-28). If you pray blessings even when not feeling like it, God will change your heart. Bless those you curse you so God can work the change deep within you.

Third, see yourself more like than unlike your offender (Ecclesiastes 7:21-22). Don’t be upset what others say and do against you because you’ve done the same thing.

Fourth, offer forgiveness to the level of the offense. In other words, don’t offer a cup worth of forgiveness for a five-gallon offense. If you offended someone, you must practice “emotional listening” (listen to the emotional tone and weight behind the words to pick up on the intent) before the offended person can forgive at the level of the offense.

The offender must listen at a deeper level to understand how deeply the offended person was hurt. Otherwise, the offender will apologize too quickly because he or she feels uncomfortable with the light offered to their soul by the offended person. The offender should say, “Help me understand how that made you feel. Is there anything else you want to say?” For reconciliation to occur in relationships, the offended person can’t offer five-gallon forgiveness until the offender recognizes their five-gallon offense.

Choose Forgiveness

Forgiveness is a unilateral gift offered by the offended person even when the offender doesn’t apologize to prevent bitterness. You can forgive someone if they never apologize. However, reconciliation only occurs when both parties participate. Reconciliation is bilateral, while forgiveness is unilateral.

For reconciliation to occur, the offended party must forgive fully to the level of the offense. The offender must fully repent to the level of the offense. Only then can trust be re-established and the relationship reconciled. When someone is unwilling to repent, you can still fully forgive, but the relationship will remain shallow.

Process Through Forgiveness

Each time resentment comes back, keep affirming the decision you made concerning forgiveness by praying blessings on the person who sinned against you. You may need to establish appropriate boundaries by protecting both your dignity and the offender’s dignity if the offender attacks or harms you.

Healthy boundaries come from a healthy identity knowing you are deeply loved by God. Don’t allow people to run over you and don’t seek to control others.

Remember that God can redeem hurts from your enemies and use that pain to make you more like Jesus (Romans 8:28-29). Also, consider the promise in the Sermon On the Mount that reward comes when people insult, persecute, and say evil and false things about you (Matthew 5:11-12).

Grieve your losses like loss of relationship, loss of a dream, loss of reputation, loss of opportunity, loss of innocence, loss of love, and loss of a loved one. Grieving prevents your heart from being filled with darkness so you can work through forgiveness.

Your expectations and disappointments are tied together. Hurt increases disappointments, decreases expectations, and increases bitterness and anger. Grieve your disappointments to recover healthy passions for your God-given dreams. Praying the Psalms can help you process dark emotions of hurt, betrayal, grief, loss, and pain.

Choose to forgive. Corrie ten Boom said, “Forgiveness is the key which unlocks the door of resentment and the handcuffs of bitterness.” (Dr. Rob Reimer, Soul Care, pgs. 123-148)

Spiritual Actions Steps:

1. Ask the Holy Spirit to reveal the names of anyone you need to forgive. Write their names down.
2. Choose to release these people from your debt. Walk through the steps of forgiveness mentioned in this blog.
3. Commit to praying blessings on each one until you sense freedom from resentment.
4. Commit yourself to die with no enemies, resolve to love your enemies, forgive those who sin against you, and bless those who curse you.”  
5. (Dr. Rob Reimer, Soul Care, pgs. 123-148)