Why are you running a training program only for Women?????

To the Men in my network. Many of you know, that I run some training programs that are only for those that identify as women. Often when these programs are promoted there are a number of men who will post comments about "Why can't we join?" and basically saying that its "not fair" that the program isn't open to them. Today was a timely reminder for me of WHY I run these programs for women and I'd like to share with you and also provide my advice on how the awesome men that want to help make a difference can support change.

Why can't men join???

A man accidentally joined our program 2 weeks ago. They realised and privately messaged me on the slack channel to tell me this and to request other free training resources that they could access instead of this program. I happily obliged, sending them a range of free training they could access. I did not delete him from the channel, assuming that because he acknowledged it was a program for women and had joined by mistake he would remove himself after receiving the training information from me.

MY MISTAKE...        

Today, just a few days later I received notification that this man has been reaching out to women on our program via private messages on the slack channel with inappropriate comments. And very simply, THIS is the reason I run programs for women that I know will be a SAFE place for women to come together and learn without needing to be on guard or deal with this type of unwanted, unprompted and inappropriate behaviour. And this behaviour is still way too frequent and common.

THIS is the reason!!!

So I'm posting this today, without details of the specific program or mention of employers or technologies because this is an ongoing PROBLEM that crosses boundaries of countries, boundaries of companies, boundaries of industries that we need more support to STOMP OUT!

My ask of you, Men
        

Women cannot change the behaviour of men. Full Stop. Men ask me all the time, "What can we do to support women and increase diversity?" So here's two really simple steps you can start doing that WILL make a difference.

1. When you see/hear this behaviour - Call it out individually as the first step. Sometimes it's education - I am all for giving someone a chance to be educated and amend their behaviour. Tell them it's not appropriate, that 'we don't speak to women like that anymore' or however you want to phrase it.
2. If you see repeated behaviour and it's not an education problem then we need you to call it out, on the spot, publicly and make an example of it. This shows that you wont tolerate this behaviour. If you are afraid to call it out and to stand up against inappropriate behaviour why do you think it's ok for a woman to? And how much more daunting do you think it is for a woman when the behaviour is actually directed at her? The key to doing this successfully is having something to say already prepared for these situations because it will often catch you off guard and you don't have something pre-prepared you may freeze and not be confident to speak up at the time which is vital. As with everything the more you do it the easier it becomes :)?

If you are afraid to call it out and to stand up against inappropriate behaviour why do you think it's ok for a woman to have to?

If you're not sure what is acceptable behaviour - ask yourself, Would you feel ok if he said that to your sister, mum or your daughter?
        

By following these steps, not only will you help stop this behaviour as more men realise it's not tolerated anymore but you will also show women that you support them and that they too can be brave enough to call out this behaviour because they will be supported by the many 'good men' out there. I have been privileged to work with SO many of you, so my hope is that you share this with your networks and we, together stomp this shitty behaviour out!!?

Lets create workplaces and a world that is a safe place for women, so that 'Women's only' training programs are no longer a necessity.