Why You Refuse to Let Go of your Limiting Beliefs

“Labeling yourself is not only self-defeating, it is irrational. Your self cannot be equated with any one thing you do. Your life is a complex and ever-changing flow of thoughts, emotions, and actions. To put it another way, you are more like a river than a statue. Stop trying to define yourself with negative labels—they are overly simplistic and wrong. Would you think of yourself exclusively as an "eater" just because you eat, or a "breather" just because you breathe? This is nonsense, but such nonsense becomes painful when you label yourself out of a sense of your own inadequacies.” - David D Burns, Feeling Good: The New Mood Therapy

"If the triangles were to make a God they would give him three sides." - Montesquieu

Limiting beliefs are one of those concepts that I roll my eyes at even though I use them with my clients. "Those are limiting beliefs you just had!" my own coaches would tell me. "Yes, I get that. Thank you for pointing out the obvious."

Yes we all have limiting beliefs but then what? That's where my frustration lies. Stating someone's limiting beliefs always seemed more of a label than an explanation.

So I started thinking about why we even have limiting beliefs? Why not just choose empowering notions and self-narratives whenever possible?

The simple reason is the one most coaches don't talk about: limiting beliefs work.

They work.

Few limiting beliefs are entirely destructive. They usually have some quite reasonable and effective benefits.

What might they be? For example

• they provide comfort
• they reassure about how the world works
• they can be self-protective

For most people, their limiting beliefs are home for them. It's familiar. It's where they make sense of the world and themselves. Chaos is worse than random suffering for most people.

For example, when clients tell me they've "tried everything" when they are attempting to lose weight. "I am just not one of those fit people" or " I have a slow metabolism" or "my kids keep me too busy to go to the gym."

What benefits might this create?

• If I tried everything then it can't be my fault I can't lose weight
• Fitness is reserved for the already fit
• I can avoid addressing this area of my life because I'm too scared of being a failure
• I can rationalize eating fun or junk food
• I don't have address the cognitive dissonance of being an competent doctor yet struggling with my weight very similar to some of my patients
• If I am big I feel safe and protected and can avoid vulnerability

Limiting beliefs are claims to people's identity. Trying to just get rid of them is attempting psychological amputation.

You have to look deep inside to learn why you hold them in the first place.

What you choose to make part of your self, your existence, your being-ness is an incredibly profound. In fact, most people don't choose at all. They let others do that choosing for them and their life becomes an enactment of a script that was written for them years ago.

These beliefs are also a sentiment about how the world works. The world is as we are after all.

So if you don't like the life you're living, it may be time to look at the limiting beliefs that empower them.

This is true response-ability - it's the freedom to choose something different for yourself.

Ignite your leadership,

Rusha