Why are you REALLY leaving me? On Bullsh*t reasons.

After a decade in business, there are times when you cannot believe what you are hearing.

• A seemingly happy employee suddenly says they are leaving.
• An investor you have been meeting with for months (and jumped through hoops for) ghosts you before replying like a complete stranger.
• A long-standing customer stops ordering out of the blue.

You listen to their reasoning, but it just doesn't feel right.

You want to ask - "Why are you REALLY leaving me?"

Being Honest is being Kind

I hate being dumped - who doesn't?

But worse than that, is being dumped for a bullsh*t reason.

You can sense they are hiding something - the answer is too polished, almost cliché.

This week's post has been prompted by a friend telling me about an investor they have been courting for almost 12 months, decided against investing because they are "almost 70 years old and want to slow down".

Erm.... I am pretty sure they were almost 70 years old a year ago, too!

I was annoyed for my friend - a bullsh*t reason doesn't help anyone. I suggested that he pushes for proper feedback. The last year spent on this person does not need to be a waste.

It dawned on me that I have been on the receiving end of bullsh*t reasons before, and I wanted to dig into this.

Top Bullsh*t Reasons

Here are some seemingly legit reasons for someone to leave your business:

• "I was offered an opportunity I couldn't refuse. I wasn't even looking for another job."
• "We are just too busy right now to order from you, we will come back to you ."
• "The timing is unlucky - we just don't have bandwidth to invest right now."
• "I am relocating - It is a completely personal decision, nothing to do with the company."

Sound familiar? Feel yourself nodding, smiling through gritted teeth and saying "I understand" ?

The truth hurts but at least you can deal with it

Gratefully, I have been on the receiving end of real reasons too - ones I can actually learn from.

• "I can't see how I will progress in this company - it is too small - I want to advance quicker so I went to look for another job."
• "I feel underpaid and under-supported in a start-up. I think I would be happier in a bigger company, where I don't have to hustle for everything."
• "I find the uncertainty of being in such a small company, quite unnerving. You seem to be fundraising all the time."
• "I wanted to try something new - I am bored in this role."
• "Your business feels too risky for us to invest in right now. We need to see more signs of momentum. Come back in 6 months with a stronger forecast."
• "I am not sure your team is big enough or experienced enough to deliver these numbers."
• "Your business is so niche, we have bigger opportunities elsewhere."

While these reasons are gutting to hear, they are incredibly helpful to a business.

I would hold back the tears and feel instantly regretful. In these moments, I would see that there are things that need to change, like urgently! But there are also many things that are outside of my control and are not going to change anytime soon.

If you tell me the truth, I will be grateful to you. The suffering stops and a plan of action takes over. Without it, there is only pain.

Give me pain, not suffering

When you are given a bullsh*t reason, you suffer.

What did I do wrong? You imagine the worse. Was it something I said? Could I have prevented this? How big is this problem, really? You are searching in the dark for a clue.

I don't mind pain, but I do mind suffering.

The truth is painful - it forces us to admit the responsibility we have in someone else's decision. You ask yourself if you took anything for granted.

In busy start-up life it is incredibly easy to move on fast, as if it never happened, without any post-mortem. You can bury your head in the sand by distracting yourself - recruiting for the role, communicating to stakeholders, and quickly moving on.

You can even harbour resentment about the decision, and carry a "it's their loss" attitude, all while smiling on the outside. I can tell you that this is not good for the soul.

A fear of awkward

Nobody loves a confrontation.

It's so much easier to give a generic, acceptable reason. By doing so, there is no need to defend the decision meaningfully. All awkwardness is spared.

A tougher reality to accept is that maybe these people simply don't care. Or rather, they don't care enough to share the truth with you. They have decided to withdraw from any further investment into the relationship. And that definitely hurts.

Is this all my fault? Well, kind of.

I have done many an exit interview in my time, but I think I could have done more and better.

I am not sure I was very good at having these conversations because I was always a bit afraid of what will be said. I would tentatively suggest a chat, but try to keep the meeting as short as possible.

As a Founder, you really have to create an environment for the truth to be feel welcome.

It was my responsibility to create an environment where the truth comes out naturally. I sometimes got this right, but I also got this very wrong.

Too many relationships end without an honest conversation about why it wasn't working.

I hope that you have the courage to dig deeper than I did, beyond the reasons that are presented at face value. This is where a lot of value lies for you and your business and you would be a fool not to seek it out

- they might not owe you the truth, but you still deserve it.

Have you built a business where the truth is encouraged? Are there any consequences to the truth being shared and discussed? Have you listened to some bullsh*t reasons in your time, and how have you responded?

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