This is why you picked out the wrong job

Can you imagine? You worked and studied your butt of to get the job you thought you wanted for so long and then… It’s not it. You still remember that you told the recruiter that this was your fullest passion and desire. You wanted to do it that badly, that you were even prepared to move, to invest, to simply go for it. And half a year later you go to your work with stomach cramps, stressed out and tired. You feel small and have no idea on how to solve it.

Well, dear friends, there is one way out… THE way out :-). Because it’s not the work that gives you the nausea or the stress. It are your values telling you that what you are doing is not your thing. And you feel down because you know that your boss is investing in you and you cannot bring the story to the desired success, because it’s not your story. It’s not your thing. Your stage. Your vocation.

So what happens?

You get off track.

Yeee, being off track is… the way to get on track!

Normally I speak with others and I hear from them that they are off track. And what I try to do is bring them back on track. Today I write because I am off track as well. Although I know what my track is, I still have an old project going on that brings me desperately off track. And gives me the nausea, the stress and the fear. Just thinking ‘I am doing no one good to stay here. I need to get outta here. SOS, ASAP’.

And it’s not because it’s the work I don’t like, but I recognise, that I need more validation for my work in this collaboration. And that is really something that is missing and makes me small. You cannot build a constructive bridge if everyone build its part but you don’t know what part it is. So whatever you do to try to make the connection, it just doesn’t work. And whatever you say or ‘alarm’, it’s just not happening. 

The need for validation

When I start having the validation talk, expressing what honours you (more money, clearer communication etc.) people who don’t give you validation always say ‘you are so needy on receiving validation; that really is your problem’. The you hear shout outs like ‘we don’t pay you more money than this’ or ‘this is how we do it’. But you know? We all need validation. You want to hear that you do things well or that you are on the right track. Or see validation in the value people pay for having you with them. You know it yourself but especially in the beginning of your career (and also later on), you want to know that what you feel and create is right.

How often do you follow a training or a masterclass and the trainer asks you for feedback? Or for every single paper you write, what do you want…? Feedback! Validation! How can we improve, how can we change, how can we get better?    

From validation to value

And validation comes close to your core values. Have you ever asked yourself what honours you? What feeds you in your dignity, in your core and heart values? It can be money of course, not that people need to give you compliments the whole day, but validation comes from the value people see in you. If someone tells you that you are irreplaceable but they pay you poorly… what is then your real value and the real validation?

It starts with you

So first ask yourself: how much value do you attribute to yourself? What honours you, feeds you in your dignity and your strongest competences? What makes your heart sing and make you feel strong and powerful? Because with power you can start and change. A car won’t drive without gas… so, the same goes for you. You need something that gives you the power to do it!

Then, being off track is the best way to get on track. What do you want to do with your life and how can you use your power to contribute to the well-being of others?

Well, if you have an idea, create your path!

The path

There are no wrong paths; failure is just that thing trying to move you in the other direction. The losses are there to wake you up. If you feel that you suffer in what you do, then that’s the cue to change something. We aren’t born to feel sad and down. Bill Clinton once said ‘Most people who ever lived, have never had a choice of what they did with their waking hours... they only worked to live and help their family. Now it's different: there is more freedom of time, why would you do destructive things instead of building things up and make things better? And do that together?'.

Cup full

Lately someone told me that I was arrogant: you are full of yourself. First I was a bit out of balance because I don’t want to seem arrogant. Until I figured out that other people suffered with the same diagnose: arrogance.

But you know, there is a difference between being arrogant and being full of what makes you full. Oprah once said ‘I am so full of myself, my cup runs over!’ And she asked the question ‘what makes your cup full?’ What makes you really happy and is doable to realize? That is where you get aligned with your track. For me it’s standing on a stage, motivate people, inspire them, and enlighten them. Shake them awake, make them the best versions of their selves in the way they talk, communicate, speak, stand as a leader and conquer the world. What is it for you?

See it as the entire, full package, of what your life needs to accelerate. I wish that for your life and also for mine. Because together we can grow, we can learn and use our power to strengthen the forces we need to build further in this is fascinating and beautiful world.

So to everyone outside there, feeling miserable because of its bad job, relationship, collaboration or whatsoever: this is your time. Your moment to change, to get on track and listen to your intuition, the whisper to your core values and discover what validates you most.