Why are you never happy? Mind matters, and reigning it in

The Habit

You’ve heard it all, thoughts, desires and hence habits originate in your mind. Subsequently, what also originates in your mind is sadness and disappointment. Let’s break this down:

You see a swanky car on the road, your mind creates a thought:

• What a great car!

From this appreciation, comes a desire, that may become a seed for your unhappiness:

• I wish I had a car like this!

From this desire, originates a plan of action on the lines of:

• I will work super hard to make the kind of money that buys me this car.

Now, you become restless, because you are focused on achieving your desire. You are happy if you keep making that money and you are unhappy or even angry if you face any hindrance or lose some money.

But what happens after you finally buy that car?

Are you happy at last?

No, you can’t be content now. Now it’s not about the car at all. Over these past few years chasing your desire for the car, you have practiced this habit of restlessness and unhappiness to perfection…these negative feelings don’t just leave you because now you have that car; no matter what material comfort you buy now, there’s no respite from this unhappiness.

The Choice

Do you understand now, that you are the one planting a seed? So if you are the one in control, why not sow for happiness? The thought of appreciation gets created, upon seeing the car. Instead of the desire that says I should have it, challenge your mind to understand if you really need that car? Does it fit your lifestyle? Is this greed logical? Moreover, focus on what you do have in the present moment.

Not saying that you shouldn’t have goals, or shouldn’t put efforts to achieve them but only rationalizing that your goal should not become a core part of your identity and self worth. You don’t want to be emotionally attached to your goals because if you feel even minor inconveniences in your path, they could become a cause of relentless pain, anger, anxiety and unhappiness because they are essentially keeping you away from your goal and hence your “happiness”.

The Outlook

There were two men living in the same apartment building, one staying on the 3rd floor and another on the 10th floor. Every evening they would return from work at the same time and take the elevator up together. The bus boy who operated the elevator knew the pattern. Every day, the guy on the 3rd floor, before getting out of the elevator, spat on the man who lived on 10th. This man calmly cleaned himself and got out when his floor came. The bus boy couldn’t take it anymore and one day he asked the man who lived on the 10th floor, “why do you take this abuse from him?”. The man calmly replied, “well, I just have to wipe myself and go about my day, it’s hardly an issue to me. Think about that man, what kind of a mental issue, unhappiness and hatred he must be going through to be compelled to do this act everyday? I feel sorry for him.”

This is the art of living life, changing your outlook to deflect unhappiness.

According to Sigmund Freud, the founder of psychoanalysis, human beings are inherently driven by two opposing forces

1. Pleasure principle (immediate gratification of desires)
2. Reality principle (delay gratification to achieve long-term goals)

Everyone’s unhappiness stems from a conflict of these two leading one to feel frustrated, anxious and depressed. Freud also says that human beings are incapable of being happy.

I will disagree to a large extent here and say that human beings are capable of finding pockets of joy wherever they can. So, instead of striving for absolutes, finding contentment in those pockets will do phenomenally well for us. Keep adding up little bits of joyful experiences and memories until your life becomes an ongoing journey of happiness.