Why you need a support network and how to build one

Somewhere along the line, many of us got the idea that we have to go it alone.?

That the only person we can depend on is ourselves.?

That reaching out for help is a sign of weakness, and above all else, we are supposed to be strong.

That we have to watch our back because other people don’t want to see us succeed. That we’re in constant competition with one another because there are only so many seats at the table...and something about crabs in a barrel…

No need to unpack all of this here, because you know what I’m getting at. Pulling yourself up by your bootstraps and that old American “rugged individualism”? is a song that plays on repeat everyday and twice on Sunday. .?

While this is how we learned to view the path to success, it’s in stark contrast to some of the community-oriented lessons I’ve gathered along the way. And it’s those lessons that have meant the difference between success and failure for me.?

In fact, I’ve found that one of the big differences between people who have been able to build successful 21st-century careers and businesses — against the odds — and those who continue to struggle is rooted in the idea of community.?

There is a famous quote by Arthur Ashe that goes, “success is a journey, not a? destination… .”

While this piece of advice is 100% true, I think we should add another layer to this quote to make it more reflective of l what it is like to build a career or business on purpose.? That layer is this:

Success is a journey, not a destination, and the relationships you form on that journey will determine how long you stay on the path.??

The career journey begins with a giant leap into the unknown. Then, to stay in the game, we must continue to take personal and professional leaps every day.??

In business, we are continually pushing ourselves and our companies? into new territories. This process breaks down boundaries, generates ideas, and creates innovations that have the potential to change the world.

However, career evolution and business innovations do not happen without feedback and support.? We all need allies to help navigate blind spots and encourage us when it seems like all hope is lost.

Because of this, one of the most crucial aspects of your success is relationships. You need a network of people who can hold space for your dreams if you want to continue down the path of success.

Your support network — the community you build around you — will hold space for you to learn and grow.

Holding space is a spiritual term.?

?It means that your supporters are willing to walk alongside you in your entrepreneurial or career journey without judgment, making you feel inadequate, or trying to impact the outcome.??

Instead, your allies open their hearts, let go of judgment and control, and offer unconditional support.?

They hold up the dream of what your life could be when you aren’t sure that you can keep carrying that dream yourself.??

If you don’t already have that, you may think it’s too late.?

But I assure you, your people are out there.?

Your allies can take many forms from a peer with whom you brainstorm ideas to a mentor who can provide sound advice.? The type of supporter does not matter as much as their intention.?

So here’s what to look for when building a support network for your career or business:

The safety to express yourself openly and honestly. The right supporter for you will make you feel secure enough to let down your defenses and be vulnerable. They will be non-judgmental, compassionate, and empathetic.??

They will understand that, at the moment when you are expressing your fears, suffering or grief, their opinions about how you got there are unhelpful and irrelevant.

The ability to suspend self-importance. Can you tell this person a story without them chiming in about how much better they handled a similar situation or redirecting all of the attention toward themselves??

A vitally important aspect of holding space is your supporters’ understanding that it’s not about them. You want someone who can set aside their ego and actively listen without competing against you.

You also need supporters who are willing to give you their complete attention. We need to feel seen and heard to open up fully and receive the benefits of our relationships.??

But where are these people?

Remember, one of the best ways to find supporters is to be a supporter. Work on letting go of the fear that you will be used or waste your time for nothing in return.?

Look around you. Open up to possibilities. You must BE community-focused in order to build one.?

Give in order to receive, and keep giving (with discernment), even if it hasn’t worked out for you in the past. People are seeking exactly what you are.

Make your support network a priority and watch what happens.

Stay Bold

Toya