Why You Need To STOP Trying to "Fix" Others
Growing up near narcissists can turn us into people pleasers.
We start off wanting to please our close circle or caretakers, often narcissists themselves. By default, we become rescuers and fixers in the process, defining ourselves by what we have to offer others. But here's the truth: not everything that's broken needs fixing, and not every complaint is a cry for help.
As empaths, people pleasers, or highly sensitive individuals, you probably have a huge tendency to want to fix everything that's broken. You extend yourself to others, often going above and beyond to help them out. You're fueled by your pure love and dedication to those around you. That is all nice and sweet.
But here's a reality check: Not every broken person is willing to receive help, and it's not your job to go beyond and above for everyone. Plus, your responsibility to help someone will never outweigh their responsibility to help themselves. So unless they invest in themselves and are open to support, your efforts might just go into vain.
I understand that it's easy to fall into the trap of becoming a scapegoat for others' problems, especially for empaths. They usually attract broken people who feed on their energy, leaving them drained and depleted. But here's a kind reminder: you're not a rehabilitation center for needy people. There are specific paid facilities and therapists for that. In fact, even therapists aren't seeking to fix others; they're simply guiding them and equipping them with needed tools to understand to better themselves and fix their problems.
So with that in mind, allow yourself to be selfish sometimes. You are worthy of the energy you're investing in others, so put that energy into yourself, and, well, maybe fix your life first. How about that for a change?
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However, for someone who probably spent their life pleasing others and who genuinely, wants to uplift them, it might be challenging in the beginning. One crucial step to help with that is setting boundaries
So, the next time you feel the urge to fix someone or bend over backward to help them, take a step back and ask yourself: Is this person willing to help themselves? Am I sacrificing my own wellbeing for someone who isn't willing to meet me halfway? Will that person put into the same efforts if roles were reversed? Will I go above and beyond for myself as I do for others?
In the end, I am not advocating for shutting people down, being self-centered and mean. Instead, I want you to find balance
Sure, be kind and compassionate
I appreciate you and the time you invest in reading this.
Do your best every day, and be kind to all!