Why You Need to Stop "Should-ing" Yourself

Our minds are mighty and can influence our emotional states in a matter of seconds. Studies show that the average person experiences around 6.5 thought transitions per minute and has over 6,000 thoughts daily. ??

That is A LOT!??

This can be overwhelming, especially with the fact that 85% of us experience self-doubt daily. We tend to compare ourselves to others who seem confident without realizing that they, too, experience self-doubt. ??

When we doubt ourselves, we tend to give ourselves an automatic "no" without even considering the possibility of success. This is because we often "should" ourselves, creating a long list of things we believe we ought to do but never actually get around to doing. This can lead to guilt and negative self-talk as we convince ourselves that what we're doing is more important than what we "should" be doing. ??

• I should go for the new role
• I should exercise more
• I should start that training
• I should advocate more
• I should drink more water
• I should attend that event
• I should expand my network

But somehow, we never do. And when we don't, we create associated guilt and negative talk. We can make acceptable reasons because we believe what we currently do is more important than what we have on our should list. And sometimes, we need to question the things we should do to see if they are things we want to do. ??

How are you should-ing yourself? Are you taking opportunities away from your future self??

What can you do??

1. Check in with yourself throughout the day "Am I doing this because I want to or because I should?" If it's because you "should," then "Why do I believe I should?" "What do I fear will happen if I don't do it?"?
2. Set aside a time (at least 30 mins) as a "should-free" zone—a time when you only attend to that which you "want." If anything appears as a "should," set it aside for later or let it go.?
3. Give your words a positive spin. For example, swap "I should be famous/employed/rich by now!" for "I am exactly where I'm supposed to be in my life and will continue to work toward my goals."

It's crucial to be kind to ourselves and improve our outlook by noticing when we are "should-ing" ourselves without even realizing it. By checking in with ourselves and prioritizing our wants, we can take control of our thoughts and emotions, leading to a happier and more fulfilling life. ??

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