Why You Need To Stop Acting Your Age

“Where’s our buddy today?” Anthony asked, referring to the barista who works at the Starbucks where we meet once a week.

“He’s in Disney World,” I said, laughing. “For real. Disney. And he has no kids. Don’t tell me you’re surprised.”

This person, who we’ll call Bill, has become a constant source of both entertainment and annoyance with his antics — although it’s more of the latter, particularly when he decides to sing in a loud volume and make inappropriate (also loud) remarks. Although he can be somewhat entertaining with his running commentary on music, TV shows, and music, there’s one thing that rubs me the wrong way (and not just the fact that he’s often too distracted to get orders right). It’s the fact that Bill needs everyone to know that he’s young.

Every time someone references a movie or song that predates the birth of this wannabe comedian, he lets them know, and in a snide way. And so one day, I unleased on poor, unsuspecting Anthony.

“What is it with these millennials? Being 26 is not an accomplishment. It drives me nuts.”

Anthony nodded, probably confused at why that bothered me more than, say, the painful opera rendition Bill does every Wednesday morning.

You see, this isn’t the first time I’ve come across this behavior — this inflated pride some people have at being born long after the bicentennial. A few years ago, I worked with a young women who constantly bowed out of conversations about ’80s movies or songs, each time proudly declaring, “I wasn’t born then, so I don’t know what that is.”

Rewind to several years earlier, and I myself was that young punk, refusing to acknowledge one of the most painful memories in Red Sox history during a sports debate, simply because I was a toddler when Bucky Dent crushed the hearts of Red Sox Nation. Looking back, I realize I could have easily engaged that Yankees fan — I may not have watched that horrible game first hand, but I knew all about it.

As I shook this memory from my brain, the picture started to get a little clearer. Perhaps my (somewhat irrational) anger toward people like Bill doesn’t come from a bad place; perhaps I want him to learn from my experience and realize that being young doesn’t make you superior to others. In fact, those who reach great success at a ripe age often go through great lengths to downplay their youth.

Take, for instance, this advice from Kat Cole, Group President of Focus Brands and COO of its subsidiary Cinnabon: “Don’t remind your colleagues that you are young. If you are leading and managing people who are at least a decade older than you are, you need to dress professionally, speak professionally and don’t get drunk at corporate functions,” said Cole, who was born 6 months before Bucky Dent’s homerun.

Below are a few more nuggets from young leaders:

• Ask for help. “As a younger leader, we have to take the first step and just ask for help,” said David Chou, CIO at Children’s Mercy Hospital. “Most of the time, people will respond and assist if needed.” He also urges others to ask questions and engage other leaders as much as possible, which can lead to “some great connections.”
• Think beyond your goals. The downside of setting a goal early in life and achieving it? It can affect motivation, says Annamarie Neal, former Chief Talent Officer of Cisco Systems, who says those who reach the pinnacle at a young age often fall victim to complacency. The way to combat this, she told Forbes, is to create smaller, incremental goals while also having a larger purpose.
• Exercise restraint. In a 2010 interview, Berkshire Hathaway CEO Warren Buffett said the best advice he ever received was from Thomas Murphy, a member of the board of directors, who said, “You can tell a guy to go to hell tomorrow — you don't give up the right. So just keep your mouth shut today, and see if you feel the same way tomorrow."
• Don’t let your age hinder you. As the youngest director on Mt. San Rafael Hospital’s management team, Michael Archuleta quickly earned his team’s respect by showing results when he led the implementation that helped transform the organization. What’s also been key to his success is to keep an open mind, he said. “It’s amazing when you learn from one another how it makes an overall difference.”

I urge you to share these tidbits with your staff members, children, or any aspiring leaders. Because if more young people follow this advice, maybe we’ll have a few less Bills in the world, and more sense.

Kate Huvane Gamble is managing editor at healthsystemCIO.com, and is a mother to 4-year-old twins who provide the inspiration for everything she does. Follow her on Twitter at @khgamble.

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