Why you need to rethink how you use the word "bipolar"
A few months ago, I was on a Zoom call with an acquaintance and she made a joke about her cat. I've met him before. He's a mercurial little fellow who's nice one minute but will bite you the next. "Oh, he's so bipolar," she laughed. I politely laughed along with her, but inside I was wincing like I'd just been struck.
Since choosing to be more open about my struggles with mental illness, I've been overwhelmed by the number of people who've reached out to me both to support me and seek a confidant when they believed they had no one else they could talk to. But, I've also experienced my fair share of microaggressions and attempts at outright manipulation.
Very few people really understand bipolar disorder. It's a condition that is complicated, has different sub-types, but its sufferers can live very normal lives. Bipolar itself is a word that I hear misused. The same way kids used to say, "that's so gay," I've heard countless people say "bipolar," not as a medical term, but as a joke to explain a person or animal that is temperamental.
"Oh, I hope that doesn't trigger you," "this next month is going to be really busy, so you can't fall apart on me," and "have you taken your medication?" These are all things that have been said to me by friends and colleagues. The latter was said in an attempt to deflect that person's very ill-treatment of me. Needless to say, that person and I are no longer acquainted.
I don't regret my decision to speak out about my condition, but many people do treat me differently now. Frankly, it's forced me to be more selective of who makes it into my circle. It's also pushed me to think more about how friends, family, and coworkers can better communicate and support the people in their lives who suffer from a chronic mental illness.
One of the ways to do that is by thinking carefully about the language you use. Is the language that you use with someone you know to be mentally ill somehow diminishing their feelings, alienating him or her as "different," or suggesting to this person that you view them as less capable than others? If so, take a breath and think about how you can rephrase your intent. I don't believe that most people who fall into the trap of saying harmful things to mentally ill friends or colleagues ever intend their comments to come across that way, but it happens nonetheless.
You also need to know that jokes about mental illness isolate its sufferers. When I hear anyone making light of my condition, inside I'm thinking, "this is not a person I can trust or be honest with because I will be judged." With the acquaintance I mentioned earlier, I didn't tell her about my condition both because I didn't want to make her feel bad nor cause her to think less of me as a person.
I've been following news of Kanye West for years with a lot of interest. I'm not into his music, but when I read in 2018 that he decided to stop taking his bipolar medication, I told friends then, "this won't end well."
His recent presidential run and embarrassing public comments to me are not funny. Yet you'll find endless jokes on social media about a man who is clearly suffering from his condition in a very public way. I shudder to think if any of my manic episodes had drawn national interest. I'd never leave my house again!
I never thought I would hear myself say this, but if you want to better understand compassion and how we should all be responding to Kanye's recent behaviour, read Kim Kardashian's Instagram statement.
If you want to be a better ally, manager, and support to people who are mentally ill, I ask that you choose your words with compassion and inclusion in mind.
If you want to learn more about bipolar disorder, I highly recommend Dr. Tracey Marks' YouTube channel.