Why You Need to Focus on Belonging at Work

Have you ever sat with a group of colleagues and felt like you didn't belong?

If so, you're not alone. I've certainly been there. You can be physically with a group of people and still feel alone, isolated, disconnected and unseen. You feel lonely.

Loneliness is an emotion with many components, such as sadness, disappointment, envy, anxiety, and pain. It's also subjective because it's based on your interpretation and beliefs.

This HBR article sums up the feeling of loneliness well: "Few people truly know me or would support me in my time of need".

At its heart, loneliness centres on the quality of the relationships we form.

As I've written about before (What Part Are You Playing? ), we are tribal creatures, and we cannot thrive (or really, survive) alone.

The SCARF model , created by neuroscientist Dr David Rock, is based on the premise that we have five domains of primary social experience that either draw us toward something or push us away. The 'R' in that model stands for relatedness – how connected we feel with others. When we feel left out and isolated in social situations, our brain signals that we're in danger.

The quality of relationships we form impacts us, and not just in our personal lives. It matters at work, too.

Why it Matters at Work

I remember hearing the statistic a few years ago that feeling lonely has the same impact on our life expectancy as smoking 15 cigarettes a day.?It's a statistic that has always stayed with me.

A systematic review of research over 23 years found that workplace loneliness is associated with lower job performance, reduced job satisfaction, poorer employee-boss relationships and higher burnout.

This article in The Conversation highlights how over 50% of people who leave their jobs do so because they are searching for more connection and belonging.

When employees feel disconnected, they're less likely to engage in informal conversations and team activities, which impacts trust and team morale. As they withdraw, they can avoid seeking help, sharing ideas, or collaborating with others.

It's not just team members who experience loneliness at work.

Leaders can feel lonely, too. Leadership is inherently lonely. Who do you share your troubles with? Your challenges? Your success? Who do you truly trust that you can confide in? It's one of the reasons why executive coaching is?so essential as leaders progress in their careers.

When leaders are lonely, they can struggle to connect with their team members and build a supportive and inclusive culture. They also experience elevated levels of stress.

The Antidote to Loneliness – Connection and Belonging

Connection and belonging are not just buzzwords but fundamental to creating a healthy and productive workplace.

As social creatures, we thrive on interactions and relationships.

Work is a place for social connection. Think about it. Over the course of your working life, it's?estimated you will?spend about one-third of your life at work. So, finding time to connect and build deep relationships with your colleagues is crucial.

Feeling connected to your colleagues creates a supportive network that can make challenging tasks seem manageable. You have someone to bounce ideas off and talk through issues with, someone to laugh with, and someone to celebrate successes with.

Belonging goes a step further. It's about feeling accepted and valued for who you are. It's being able to show up at work in a way that is authentically you.?It's profoundly knowing that you are part of a team that values your contributions and has your back.

Building a Culture of Belonging

Creating a culture of belonging starts with inclusive leadership.

Leaders who focus on inclusivity strive to understand and appreciate their team members' diverse backgrounds and perspectives. They welcome and value what each person brings to the group. Unsurprisingly, underpinning all these efforts is psychological safety .

It's impossible to feel like you belong when you don't feel safe to be yourself. When you don't feel safe, you're more likely to disconnect or try to 'fit in'. When we try to 'fit in', we leave?a part of ourselves behind, which feels psychologically uncomfortable.

As part of your?efforts, you focus on open communication and transparency and ensure appropriate time for check-ins and discussions. You spend quality time with your team members to build genuine relationships. This includes team activities and one-on-one conversations, as well as celebrating the contributions each person?brings to the team.?You take the time to know each term member individually?and invest?in their success.

You use your emotional intelligence skills to notice what's going on.?You notice how connected and engaged your team members are and are alert to behaviours promoting exclusion and division.

Challenge yourself and consider:

• Is there an 'in-group' and an 'out-group'?
• Are you playing favourites?
• Do you unconsciously exclude people in your team by your assumptions and expectations?

Everyone Plays a Part

It's not just up to the leaders, though.

All team members play a role in developing a connected team where everyone belongs.

Encourage your team members to be friendly and invested in knowing each other and collaborating well. Of course, this is much easier to do when you - the leader - are role-modelling the right behaviours. The team's?investment?will create meaningful relationships and can lead to deep and long-lasting friendships.

The upside of all of this is that the research shows that people who have friends at work are happier and healthier. Additionally, when they feel connected, they're more likely to be engaged and committed to their work – leading to higher productivity and better performance outcomes, which aids their career progress, too.

None of this happens?without commitment. It requires focus, effort and a desire to bring belonging to the forefront.

As researcher and author Brené Brown wrote, "True belonging is not passive. It's not the belonging that comes with just joining a group. It's not fitting in or pretending or selling out because it's safer. It's a practice that requires us to be vulnerable, get uncomfortable, and learn how to be present with people without sacrificing who we are. We want true belonging, but it takes tremendous courage to knowingly walk into hard moments."

So, where should you focus your efforts and energy to build a culture of belonging at work?

Getting you ready for?tomorrow, today?

Michelle Gibbings is a workplace expert, the award-winning author of three books, and a global keynote speaker. She's on a mission to help leaders, teams and organisations create successful workplaces - where people thrive and progress is accelerated.