Why You Don’t Need to Follow Every Parenting Trend

This article might be a little controversial but stay with me on this.

Parenting is HARD and parents need help; this vulnerability is very easy to exploit. Everywhere you turn, there’s advice from books, influencers, or experts offering the latest trends and solutions to raise your child the “right” way. While these voices can be helpful, they can also drown out something essential: your own intuition as a parent.

If you find yourself trying to follow every piece of advice yet feeling disconnected from your own instincts, it might be a sign that you’re veering off course. No book or influencer can truly understand the unique relationship you share with your child. You and your child have your own experiences, histories, and personal narratives—none of which can be captured by someone who doesn’t know you. Each parent-child relationship is unique, and thinking that an outside source can tell you exactly what to do without knowing your full story is not only misleading, it’s dangerous.

The Danger of One-Size-Fits-All Parenting

Parenting advice often presents a “recipe for success,” but the truth is, their ingredients and your ingredients are completely different. The danger in following external advice rigidly is that it can pull you away from the most valuable tool you have: your parenting intuition.

The joy, struggles, and challenges you face with your child shape your unique journey together. When we turn to external sources, it should be to seek guidance that teaches us how to tune into this relationship, not to override it with prescriptive solutions.

Honoring Cultural and Spiritual Wisdom in Parenting

Adding to the complexity of parenting advice, many parents often overlook the deep wisdom found within their own cultures and spiritual practices. These traditions are shaped by histories, struggles, and healing practices unique to different communities. Instead of dismissing these practices as outdated or irrelevant, parents can learn to see them as assets that guide them in their parenting journey.

Take, for example, the tradition in many cultures where a woman is encouraged to stay home for 40 days after giving birth. In today’s "modern" world, this might be seen as an unnecessary restriction or an outdated myth. Perhaps also a financial impossibility (more on that in the next articles). However, if we dig deeper, there’s profound wisdom behind it. The first 40 days after birth were traditionally seen as a time of healing, both for the mother and the newborn. Communities would come together to support the new mother, providing nourishing food, emotional support, and space for her to rest and bond with her child.

Now, consider the modern 6-week postpartum check-up with an OB-GYN. While this check-up is a medical milestone, it might also signify the minimum time it takes for the body to begin healing after childbirth. The cultural practice of staying home for 40 days aligns with this, suggesting that ancient wisdom and modern medicine often walk hand in hand. Instead of dismissing such practices as outdated, parents today can reflect on how cultural and spiritual traditions might support their family’s needs.

Learning to Trust Yourself

So, how can you turn inward and trust your intuition? How do you incorporate both your lived experience and the wisdom of your heritage? Here are steps to help you reconnect with your inner voice:

? Reflect on Your Parenting Journey: Take time to think about how your upbringing and culture shape your parenting. What parts of your history influence how you respond to your child? What wisdom from your spiritual or cultural background do you want to carry forward, and what can you leave behind? Reflecting on these questions can help you uncover hidden layers of intuition.

? Tune Into Your Child: Notice how your child interacts with the world. What environments or activities make them light up? Instead of immediately turning to outside advice, observe your child’s natural behaviors and tendencies. Your child’s needs may already be showing you the way.

? Ask Your Child: Engage with your child in conversations about what they need. Children often express their needs in ways that are intuitive, and listening to them can help guide your decisions. Their insights can sometimes be more aligned with their well-being than external advice.

? Reflect on Interactions: After moments of connection or conflict with your child, take a moment to reflect. How did it feel? What was your gut telling you in that moment? Reflecting on these interactions will strengthen your awareness of your intuitive responses.

Bridging Tradition and Modern Knowledge

It’s essential to bridge the wisdom of our ancestors with modern-day insights. By doing so, we create a parenting approach that honors both the past and present. Consider what aspects of your cultural or spiritual heritage resonate with you and use those insights as a foundation. This can help you make choices that feel more authentic to your family rather than blindly following advice that doesn’t align with your values or lived experience.

For example, if your cultural heritage includes practices that promote community support during tough times, lean into that. Reach out for help when needed, remembering that no parent is meant to do it all alone. If your spiritual background encourages time for self-reflection, prayer, or meditation, incorporate these into your daily life as a grounding practice.

Practices to Reconnect with Your Inner Voice

Here are some processes that can help you turn inward and trust your intuition:

? Daily Quiet Time: Spend 10–15 minutes each day in silence. Whether through meditation, deep breathing, or simply sitting in nature, this time will help you listen to your inner voice.

? Gratitude Reflection: At the end of each day, reflect on the moments with your child that you are grateful for. This connects you to the present moment and helps you recognize when your intuition was guiding you.

? Body Awareness: Pay attention to how your body feels while parenting. Sometimes your body will signal when something doesn’t feel right. Are you tense or stressed? These feelings are physical cues that you might be moving away from your intuitive path.

Learning From Your Children

Children naturally gravitate toward what feels good to them, and as parents, we can learn a lot by watching their intuitive decisions. Children often turn to people, activities, or experiences that make them feel safe and supported.

Think about a time when your child seemed drawn to a particular teacher, friend, or activity. They weren’t following a book or expert—they were following their own instincts. Likewise, think about a time when you followed your parenting intuition. Maybe you allowed your child to stay up late to talk through a tough day or decided to let them explore an interest you hadn’t initially considered. These moments of tuning in strengthen the bond between you and your child and show you the power of trusting your own inner guidance.

Reflecting on When You Lost Your Intuition

As adults, we often stop trusting ourselves, especially in a world where so much information is available. Reflect on when you may have stopped following your intuition. Was it during a time of stress or self-doubt? Recognizing this can be the first step toward reconnecting with your inner wisdom.

You Already Know More Than You Think

The beauty of parenting is that so much of what you need is already within you. If you give yourself just a few moments each day to reflect inward rather than always looking outward for answers, you will find that you are a wealth of wisdom. Trusting your intuition, tuning into your child, and engaging in self-reflection can make your parenting journey a deeply fulfilling experience.

Read the books, listen to the advice—but know that ultimately, the guide to your child is within you. You already have the tools you need to parent with love, wisdom, and compassion. Learn to trust yourself and your intuition more.

Dr. Nirmeen Rajani, a Clinical Psychologist and mother of two, specializes in anxiety, depression, complex trauma & PTSD, and issues affecting children. With a focus on supporting children, adolescents, couples, and families through various life transitions, she compassionately empowers parents in their parenting journey, while also working directly with children to address a variety of childhood challenges.

Learn more about her work and practice:

Psychology Center Schaumburg Intake Line: 847-786-8222 [email protected]