Why You Do Not Have to Understand People to Value and Support Them

“Any sufficiently advanced technology is indistinguishable from magic.” – Arthur C Clarke.

How much of what we do daily, the technology we use or the services we access, do we understand?

Do you have much of an idea how the device that you are reading on now works beyond perhaps a few fundamental principles?

We are all used to accepting things we do not understand and likely never will.

So why do we so often not apply the same principle to people?

People are the most complex things of all.

There are around 100 billion neurons in the human brain.

To put that number in context, 100 billion seconds is well over three thousand years.

How could we ever expect to understand anything that complex?

If we are honest, how often do we reflect that we do not understand ourselves?

But it is unnecessary to understand something or someone to get along with them.

I do not understand people who can walk into a room of strangers and talk to them all with instant rapport.

It is not something that I will ever be able to do, and I have no idea how you would even start.

But those who do it may find it strange that we cannot all do the same, so we must choose to be antisocial!

When I look at many maths problems I can see how the numbers work.

I recognise that not everyone can, but I cannot explain how to do it because it comes naturally to me.

We do not need always to understand each other to be respectful and supportive.

I know that not everyone in my workplace struggles with the noise as I do.

But that does not make my problems any less real.

I am not making it up any more than someone in a wheelchair is making up their need for a ramp or a lift!

Our natural assumption is that everyone experiences the world exactly as we do.

This is inevitable, as we never get to step into someone else’s shoes.

I suspect that we would all get a massive shock if we did!

But we need to train ourselves out of the mindset that everybody is just like us.

That really could not be further from the truth.

Most people are hugely different to you and to me.

This is a beautiful thing, and we would be in big trouble if it were not the case.

Whether we understand why someone else is as they are is often immaterial.

Understanding people can help empathise with them and anticipate their needs, but it is unnecessary to understand them to accept and value them as they are.

There will always be some people who live in a way that makes no sense to you.

But if it is not hurting you, them, or anyone else, what’s the problem?

In the workplace, we have a particular duty to accept others as they are.

We are generally happy to reap the benefits of innovation when someone’s differences bring a great new idea or a breakthrough.

So, we must also accept and support people in other areas, even if their needs are very different to our own.

I am not saying that trying to understand others is terrible – far from it.

A lack of empathy is one of the biggest problems I see with many leaders.

But understanding is in no way essential for support.

A final example.

Imagine that you have a colleague who has diabetes.

Without regular insulin, they will quickly become unwell.

Unless you have studied medicine, you probably have only a cursory understanding of why this is the case and how insulin works.

You almost certainly have no comprehension of what it feels like for them if they do not have the medicine that they need.

But you would not dream of denying them their essential treatment.

The same principle applies to us all.

You may never understand how and why I think or act as I do.

I suspect that I never will, either!

But that does not make me any less valuable or any less human.

If you are happy to use your smartphone or laptop without knowing how it works, why can you not respect and support another person you do not understand?

It really should not be so hard.