Why You Can’t Enjoy Life

It’s not because you lack willpower.

The Rut

I've been feeling stuck lately. Writing used to inspire me, but now I question everything:

Why am I doing this?

Actually, why am I doing anything?

I became complacent, lost in distractions and daily obligations, finding no fulfillment. I was exhausted from being exhausted. Then, I realized:

Oh no, the dark season is here again...

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The Dark Season

It starts like this:

A world full of vibrant colors—mountains, rivers, clouds, tulips, butterflies.

Remember childhood? For many of us, it was the best time of our lives because everything was new and boundless. We laughed, played, sang, and wrote for the sheer joy of it.

As we grow older, life shifts from exploration to survival:

What’s the next thing I need to do?

The colorful world fades. We create to-do lists and set high expectations, leading to fear and stress.

Dr. Scott Eilers explains in his video Why You Shut Down that our brain doesn't differentiate between mental and physical danger, like being chased by a grizzly bear. You've probably heard of 'fight or flight,' but there's another response: freeze. You don't fight or flee; you just...stay stuck.

The world gets even darker.

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The Monochrome Life

The worst part? You know you should be doing something, but you don’t. So, you stop trying.

Life becomes monochrome. The colors fade gradually until you think:

Living used to be colorful. Now I don’t even want to fight anymore. I don’t want to wake up and go to work. I don’t want to learn or explore. What’s happening?

Once you become aware of the dark season, it feels too late.

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The Shame of Being Colorblind

To others, you seem lazy. They think you don't try hard enough, that you're a zombie unable to enjoy life’s simple joys.

But here's the thing: No matter how open your eyes are, the colors won't get brighter. You inject color spray into your irises, but your vision stays dark. We’re trying so hard to see the world ‘correctly,’ looking at curious, enthusiastic people and thinking:

My way of seeing must be wrong.

So, we push ourselves harder, envisioning a miserable future if we don’t act now. Sometimes it works; often, it doesn’t. If you’re in freeze mode, it probably won’t.

Why? Because the 'illness' isn’t you. It’s not about lacking willpower or wanting it enough. Perhaps you’re already stressed, which is why you’re stuck.

Fast forward to you scrolling social media and eating sugary snacks after watching a motivational TED Talk. Why?

Maybe it’s not that we’re unwilling to see brighter. Perhaps it’s accumulated stress making us numb to the colors.

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What To Do About It

If you can’t get out of the rut…stay there for a bit.

Notice the cycle of feeling busy and distracted. Busyness is often about overthinking, which leads to stress and the need for distraction. Ice-cream feels great because it shifts our focus from our busy thoughts.

We’re never truly in the dark season; we just perceive it because we’re always trying to escape. So, what if we stayed?

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Staying Still

One technique that’s helped me is setting a 30-minute timeframe on my agenda with a simple task: Do Nothing. I sat alone and reflected:

What’s going on?

The point was to reflect on myself. In the repetitive weeks and burdensome reality, it’s easy to forget our state of mind. Taking a break allows us to realize:

I am here. I exist. Something has to change.

If you’re crying or frustrated, it’s a good sign. It means the old season is ending, and a new one is beginning. Before the colors return, you must let go of stressors by disrupting the cycle of busyness and distraction through solitude.

Ask yourself: What’s the pain I’m trying to alleviate?

The answer might differ for you, but your unique way of dealing with suffering has the potential to help yourself and inspire others.

This could become your purpose, giving you direction. You’re going to solve the pain, create something out of it, set an example, defy the status quo, and open the door to something new.

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Embracing Small Steps

Remember, it’s not easy. In the stuck cycle, lower your expectations. Small actions like getting out of bed, taking a walk, journaling, or reading a single page deserve attention. These tiny habits pave the way for bigger changes, like starting a blog, joining a gym, finding a new career, traveling, connecting with people, learning a new language, or moving to another country.

Follow your intuition on what feels right, nurturing, challenging, and stimulating—not to fix our 'broken' vision, but to remember how it felt to be alive.

Thank you for reading! ?

Ajay Kumar Patel