WHY WORKPLACE RELATIONSHIPS MATTER

Studies have shown that when people don’t know how to connect emotionally, they can’t collaborate, communicate and solve complex problems effectively. In other words, unless you can successfully bond with the people you work with, you cannot perform to your potential. As the world continues to change, we have large numbers of people enjoying the flexibility of working from home. Workers have more autonomy – but there is also a growing sense of isolation, lack of connection to the team. Should workplaces be concerned??

Attachment Theory in the Workplace

We are social creatures who cannot thrive in isolation. Indeed the biggest resource for human beings is emotional connection with other people, especially those whom we depend on. Although we might not like to admit it, we depend on our team and on our manager. We may like to keep the relationship at a very professional level – but we need to feel emotionally safe in order to be our full authentic selves.? If we cannot find a safe way of connecting, we end up moving into negative patterns, which just take us further away from where we want to be. When we connect and feel safe we become much more effective and stronger.?

Attachment theory helps us to understand the importance of these emotional bonds. A concept originally developed by John Bowlby in the 1950’s, Attachment Theory describes the emotional bond between two people. Work relationships are attachment bonds. Within the context of the workplace, attachment refers to the emotional bonds co-workers develop because of their dependency on one another.?

The Importance of Safety

When you get disconnected in a relationship, your brain sees that as a threat and interprets it as fear in a life and death situation. Neuroscience research has shown that exclusion and social isolation impacts the brain in the same way as receiving a physical punch. When you feel fear, your whole Nervous System starts to be obsessed with the threat (real or imagined). It knocks you off balance. It makes processing of information very difficult. It wipes everything out – Fear comes first, it has control precedence. We can feel overwhelmed and go into shutdown. It becomes difficult for us to engage and collaborate with others. So when you feel fear – there’s nothing more important than getting you to safety. When employees are securely attached, they feel safe and can trust which in turn allows them to be perceived as valuable members of the team. In contrast, employees who are insecurely attached experience more anxiety and fear. They become more easily triggered and can lose emotional balance and focus. As you can imagine, this impacts performance and effectiveness. The insecurely attached employee may well become a ‘people issue’.?

The Cost of Conflict

“People issues” are often the most difficult thing for leaders to navigate at work. Where there are people issues, there is emotional disconnection or even conflict. Whether direct or indirect, implicit or explicit, conflict abounds and can quickly grow toxic. Currently, conflict is typically not well dealt with in the workplace. Very often the workplace attempts to deal with the symptoms (such as poor performance, regular absence, sick leave, “difficult personality”) rather than the root cause. The root cause of conflict in the workplace can be understood to be emotional disconnection. The cost of conflict to companies and to individuals is huge. In the US it is estimated that conflict wastes approximately 3 hours per week per employee. If you multiply that out for every person on your team and then for everyone in the organization, times the average salary; you begin to get a better understanding of the level of cost. Conflict at work hurts everyone. Workplace relationships matter.?

The Solution

So what can be done? Bowlby and others demonstrated that nurturance and responsiveness are the primary determinants of attachment. Applying this to the workplace, we can see that what each person wants to know is, ‘Are you there for me?’ Do you care about me? Am I a valued member of the team? When we feel cared for and valued in our role, we are more engaged and motivated, we have more energy for the job and can focus better on the work – we perform better. Leaders need to demonstrate in their words and their actions that they ARE indeed ‘there for you’. ARE can be remembered as Accessible, Responsive and Engaged. When you can lead with presence in this way, you build safety and emotional connections with your team. You create a safe environment in which each person can work to their best. Leading in this way involves a good level of emotional intelligence and awareness; but it pays off in spades.?

“By tuning into each other’s emotions at work, respecting the emotional state each person is in, and creating a safe environment for people to express their emotions, we interrupt the brain’s immediate panic responses and engage effortlessly in a process of positive interactions. We turn toxic environments into healthy workplaces which become productive and engaging.” Dr Lola Gershfeld

Luckily these skills can be learned and developed. Even toxic workplaces can become healthy engaging places of work. What matters is the repair of moments of disconnection (even where conflict has happened). Managers and employees can learn the process of Reconnection, which is essentially a two-step process:

1. Help each other to slow down and recognize the negative cycles they’re caught up in
2. Learn how to reach for each other and engage on a human level

This Reconnection process is part of the EmC strategy. EmC, Emotional Connection, brings neuroscience and attachment theory into alignment, allowing us to learn the language of emotions and articulate emotional responsiveness. The EmC strategy is centred around the systematic exploration of emotions present during moments of great stress, uncertainty and volatility (and we’ve all had plenty of those moments). When understood and addressed, participants can work to create emotional safety in the workplace so relationships can be restored, stronger bonds can form, and satisfaction and productivity can increase. EmC is developed and researched by US Psychologist Dr Lola Gershfeld and her team and is now available in Ireland and Europe. To learn more about EmC in the workplace, visit emcleaders.com or contact Niamh directly. Niamh is running free monthly webinars to educate leaders about emotional connection and the revolutionary EmC science-backed approach to building and repairing workplace relationships. We teach companies how to master the art of relationships, so that you spend less time dealing with ‘people issues’ and have more time to focus on the real work. Because workplace relationships really do matter.?