Why Won't They? and other FAQs

Why won’t they just do their jobs? Why won’t they clean up after themselves? Why won’t they do their homework? Why won’t they stop complaining? Why won’t they show more affection?

Chances are you’ve asked one or some or all these questions.

There are plenty of other questions that we tend to ask when people in our lives frustrate us. These individuals can be family members, employees, co-workers, supervisors, friends, teammates, and others you come in contact with.

Some other Frequently Asked Questions (FAQs) include, but are not limited to: Why don’t they use common sense? Why can’t they show up on time? Why don’t they listen? Why can’t they follow directions? Why aren’t they motivated? Why don’t they take pride in their work? Why can’t they focus on what needs to be done? Why can’t they see what needs to be done? Why can’t they plan ahead? Why can’t they do what the customer asks? Why can’t they do what the teacher asks? Why won’t they do what I ask?

Sound familiar? As you read these questions, were individuals coming into your thoughts? Were you getting frustrated just thinking about those individuals and wondering why? Why? Why?

I don’t want to leave you frustrated. I want to share a few insights that hopefully will help you as well as those you are frustrated with.

The easiest answer to these questions is the reason they don’t or won’t is because your level of acceptance is low. People don’t do what you expect, they do what you accept. However, today I want to focus on a different path.

If you’re frustrated with certain individuals or even a team, department, or entire family, it’s time to consider the questions you are asking. It’s important to understand your brain is a computer. It will answer the questions it is asked. For example, if you ask, “why won’t they do as they are told?” Your brain will come up with any number of answers. These answers may include “They’re just lazy”, “They just don’t listen”, “They can’t comprehend”, “They’re incompetent”, “They don’t care”, and the list goes on. If you look back at the question and these answers (as well as any ones you came up with on your own), you can see that all the answers are potentially correct to the question that was asked, “Why won’t they do as they are told?”

The problem is that none of the answers solve the problem of getting them to do as they are told! They simply answer the question. The key to a better life (with less frustration) is to ask better questions!

Instead of asking “Why won’t they do as they are told?” if you asked, “What can I do to help them get better at doing what they are told?” Your brain will immediately begin to provide answers such as “I can demonstrate what I want done”, “I can ask them to show me they know how to do what I want done”, “I can provide more training”, “I can show them examples of how I want things done”, and the answers go on. In this case, each answer actually helps solve the problem of getting them to do as they are told.

Generally, when we are frustrated because we’re not getting the results we want from others, we seek answers outside of ourselves. We’re always trying to get others to change, as we become more and more frustrated that they aren’t. The quickest way to improve the results you want and to overcome frustration is to seek answers from within. What is it that I can do to improve the situation? What can I do to help them understand better? What can I do to motivate them? What can I do to help them identify problems?

When you think about the questions you are asking, be sure that the answer to the question will solve your problem.

I’m sure you’re already thinking, I’ve done all I can to help them. Really? Does this mean you’ve “told them a hundred times.” If you’ve told them more than twice, to keep telling them is not the answer.

There will be times your questions may require you to take action that isn’t fun or pleasant. These are times you will realize what it is to be a leader. These questions can include, “Is it time to take disciplinary action?”, “Is it time for me to replace this individual?” “Is it time for me to close the operations?”, “Is it time for me to move on?” and the tough questions will continue until you reach a satisfactory outcome.

One thing to keep in mind when you are thinking of making personal changes because you cannot get your desired results with others, the frustration and stress you feel will not go away when you move on. They will simply change into another form. If you want to leave a high stress, high paying job, for a lower paying job with less stress, you’ll discover stress is now in the form of not being able to pay your bills or purchase what you want.

I encourage you not to wish for things to get easier. Instead, wish to get better. When you can handle (resolve) bigger problems, you become a bigger person. When you strive to have smaller problems, you’ll simply become a person that stresses over smaller things. ?

“Handle hard better.” – Kara Lawson ?

Remember, there is greatness within you. You have to choose greatness. It won’t develop on its own. I believe in you!

Take Action Today!

If you would like assistance with coping with stress better, I can help you. We can meet by phone, through Zoom, or at a mutually convenient location. Whether you choose me or someone else, a coach will expedite your results. All change is best supported through consistent guidance and practice.

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I appreciate you. I know your time is limited and I hope you receive value in reading my posts.?

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I always look forward to your thoughts and replies.

Published by Bryan M. Balch, Results Coach

Helping Individuals and Businesses Achieve Desired Results