Why Women Struggle to Talk About Their Achievements (And Why They Must)

As an executive coach for women in tech leadership, I have the privilege of leading group coaching sessions for talented women engineers and technologists.

However, one issue that comes up repeatedly is the difficulty many women face in speaking positively about their own accomplishments.

When I ask the participants to reflect on and share their past achievements in these group sessions, there is often an awkward silence. No one wants to be the first to share their successes. I sometimes have to force the conversation, calling on individuals practically, and even then, the responses can be muted or self-effacing.

The Misconception of Bragging

In one recent session, a woman finally broke the ice by admitting, "I don't feel comfortable bragging about my work." This seems to get to the heart of the issue for many accomplished professional women - they have been conditioned to see positive self-promotion as arrogant or boastful "bragging."

However, what these women consider as "bragging" is vital self-advocacy. By failing to call out their achievements, they inadvertently hide their capabilities and potential from those who could help elevate their careers.

The truth is that managers are extremely busy, and even well-intentioned ones may not always have full visibility into every task and process their team members undertake.

A Case in Point

Consider the engineer who felt proud of completing a significant milestone. When she finally spoke about her achievement, she emphasized not just the completion of the project but the entire process—understanding requirements, breaking them down into plans and milestones, and executing them. Her manager, who might have seen the end result, wouldn't fully appreciate her effort unless she shared it. This disclosure isn't just about recognition—it's about establishing a track record for taking on bigger initiatives.

How can a manager fully appreciate and advocate for an employee's skills if they are unaware of the tremendous work that went into producing great results?

Silence is not the answer if you want your talents recognized and positioned for new opportunities.

Reframing the Narrative

Instead of viewing self-expression as bragging, think of it as self-advocacy. Self-advocacy is about informing others of your contributions and the processes behind them, which are often invisible. It’s about making your work and its impact visible to those who matter.

Ask yourself:

• How would my manager know about my hard work unless I tell them?
• What feedback or greater responsibility can I take as I share my achievements?

Speaking positively about your achievements is not arrogant braggadocio—it is vital, strategic self-advocacy that makes your skills and dedication visible.

For example:

"On the Accelerator project, I successfully broke down the complex requirements into clear implementation milestones, managing X cross-functional stakeholders. I completed delivery 2 weeks ahead of schedule. This experience makes me eager for greater project leadership opportunities."

When you showcase your accomplishments, you are not intended to make others feel inferior or to brag about yourself. Rather, you are highlighting the skills you used and the outcomes you achieved in a specific situation while also indicating that you are ready to take on more significant challenges in the future.

I encourage my clients to think of it as personal visibility - elevating their skills, dedication, and potential so they have more opportunities to grow and make an impact.

Because the opposite of "bragging" is certainly not humility - it is being invisible and underestimated. The colleagues who do find ways to make their achievements visible are the ones who get hand-picked for great new opportunities, while those who remain quiet often get passed over.

Many women do not possess inherent confidence when it comes to promoting themselves.

In our formative years, most women are socialized away from any behaviors that could be perceived as arrogant or self-promoting, while those same traits are reinforced as demonstrating assertiveness and leadership potential in men. We are conditioned to be modest and self-effacing, to prioritize putting a spotlight on others rather than shining it on ourselves.

These deeply ingrained tendencies are hard to undo, especially in professional environments where the consequences of being seen as "arrogant" can be career-derailing for women in a way they seldom are for men.

That's why it takes conscious effort to reframe achievement-stating not as arrogance but as savvy self-advocacy that elevates women's voices and capabilities in a workplace that tends to underestimate and overlook them.

Small Steps, Significant Impact

Self-advocacy doesn't always need to lead to immediate promotions or salary increases. It can be about taking incremental steps toward greater challenges and growth. It's about ensuring you are noticed, appreciated, and given the opportunities you deserve.

To start building your personal brand and create more opportunities for yourself, you need to give yourself permission to share your accomplishments proudly. It's important to remember that this is not boastful behavior but a pragmatic approach to establishing your professional identity. You can start practicing in less formal settings such as team meetings, check-ins with your manager, or even with friends and family.

In environments where there are other women, we should make a conscious effort to cultivate a culture that encourages achievement and empowers everyone to showcase their skills and accomplishments. During my group sessions, I ensure that each woman has a chance to share something they are proud of achieving, which helps to normalize and celebrate self-advocacy.

Be strategic about advocating yourself and your career growth aspirations

For long-term career growth, consistent, strategic achievement-sharing becomes vital as you position yourself and advocate for stretch assignments, promotions, and leadership opportunities. Those key inflection points become much harder without the personal brand visibility that lets decision-makers fully appreciate and recognize your potential.

We all have to overcome the mindset that our good work will "speak for itself," and those above us will automatically recognize and reward our efforts. The sad reality is that without intentional self-promotion, most people's great work gets drowned out and overlooked amid all the other noise and distractions.

So I implore all the talented, hardworking women: share your accomplishments without apologizing. Build your brand equity by proudly articulating the ingenuity, dedication, and results you bring to every challenge. Anchor it with facts about the situations you navigated and the impacts you made.

Does it feel uncomfortable to talk about yourself this way at first?

Yes, probably. But push through that awkwardness and reframe it as savvy professional development, not egotistical bragging. The more you practice and claim ownership of your achievements, the more empowered you will feel advocating for yourself and the bigger opportunities you deserve.

Break free from the socially ingrained tendency to de-emphasize your talents. Own your achievements, and give yourself the gift of being truly seen and recognized for all you are capable of. The world needs more women's voices and potential brought fully into the light.

To your success,

With Love,

Limor.