Why Women Still Hold Back

“Act like a lady.” “Don’t be so loud.” If you keep acting rowdy, they’ll think you’re a boy.” “Sit still and mind your manners.” “Go help your mother with the dishes.” “When you’re a mother, you’ll understand.” “Someday you’ll be married and you won’t want to embarrass or threaten your husband by being bossy or demanding.” 

These childhood injunctions, handed down generation after generation, don’t even include religious and/or cultural “norms” that teach girls that they must hide their strengths, their opinions, their ambitions, and sometimes even their appearance—while the males in their religion/culture are encouraged to stand up, lead, and become as successful as possible—and usually with full freedom to dress and adorn themselves as they wish. 

You may be thinking, “Why is Judith going on about this when the Women’s Movement has been so successful?” Well, yes, it’s been very successful in relation to the external world of women—graduate education in many fields, freedom to marry or not, freedom to have children or not, freedom to have a career and children at the same time, etc etc etc.

BUT the internal world of what holds women back has received little attention by the leaders of the Women’s Movement except the branch of the Women’s Movement I refer to as Victim Feminism, which helps women feel “demeaned” or “offended” by even normal friendly interactions. Example: If a woman feels mistreated by a male in the university or workplace, what to do? Stand up for yourself and tell the man how you feel and draw the line on what kind of behavior you’ll accept? Rarely. Complain to a school counselor or the HR department at work. Yes! Stay invisible. Have someone else front for you! Learn to take care of yourself - No! 

So where are the powerful, self-contained outspoken women who can take care of themselves? Still few and far between, sad to say. So men still have the power and that power can be complained about as “intimidating” by women who’ve yet to define and use their own power resulting in a precarious world for both women and men. The result? More women who feel like second-class citizens who cannot take care of themselves when in the company of men. And more men who feel nervous about working with women who seem like “snowflakes’ who can be melted by almost anything. 

I’ve been a feminist since I was 9 and I’m a strong supporter of Equality Feminism. But I abhor Victim Feminism that helps to hold my gender back from knowing their true power. It makes me deeply sad. Does it for you?

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Judith Sherven, PhD and her husband Jim Sniechowski, PhD have developed a penetrating perspective on people’s resistance to success, which they call The Fear of Being Fabulous (tm). Recognizing the power of unconscious programming to always outweigh conscious desires, they assert that no one is ever failing—they are always succeeding. The question is, at what? To learn about how this played out in the life of Whitney Houston for example, and how it may be playing out in your own life, check out their 6th book: What Really Killed Whitney Houston.

Currently providing transformational executive coaching, leadership training, and consulting for LinkedIn and a dozen other Tech companies and individuals around the world, they continually prove that when unconscious beliefs are brought to the surface, the barriers to greater success and leadership presence begin to fade away. You can learn about their core program “Overcoming the Fear of Being Fabulous” by going to overcomingthefearofbeingfabulous.com.

 Their 7th book, short and to the point, “25 Power Speaking Tips That Will Leave Your Audiences Wanting More,” is available on Kindle.