Why women are so afraid to TAKE UP SPACE

Angel Reese's taunt during the 2023 NCAA Championship Game has tongues wagging and fingers pointing in every direction. As a Black woman dominating in sports and joyfully overshadowing her counterparts, especially white counterparts, this is par the course - ask Serena Williams.

The caution is always to be demure, palatable and nice even if the culture on the court or in the ring makes room for more. Black women (and to some extent Black men) are often warned to win responsibly and lose gracefully lest you earn the ire of critics who hold double edged prejudices of racism and sexism. We are encouraged to walk on eggshells, to ensure that others are not offended and hurt by what we say (even if it is the truth) and what we do (even if we are minding our business and winning in our lane).

It's a signal not to enjoy the spotlight; to return to invisibility. To take a bow but not take up space.

BE HUMBLE, SIT DOWN!

This is true on the court, in the ring, in the office. And it is a signal all women are familiar with, no matter their race or class. But unlike Angel, many women heed the signal and submit to the pressure to remain unseen, unheard and undervalued.

Self Confidence

?Women believe that they are worth less and price themselves accordingly. We are sizing down, well below what we are actually worth. According to a recent National Bureau of Economic Research?working paper, women consistently rated their performance on a test lower than did men, even though both groups had the same average score. Where men on average gave themselves a 61 out of 100, women gave themselves a 46 out of 100. Even when told that an employer would use their self-evaluation to decide whether to hire them and what to pay them, women still self-promoted less than men.

Gender Bias

Gender bias as a daily experience is a lifelong lesson in silencing women. It can take many forms, from overt discrimination to subtle microaggressions. Women are often judged more harshly than men for their communication styles, with assertiveness being seen as a negative trait in women but a positive trait in men. This can lead women to be hesitant to speak up for fear of being seen as too aggressive or bossy.

Women are interrupted more frequently than men in meetings and their ideas are often attributed to male colleagues. This phenomenon is known as the "amplification" and "manterruption" of women's ideas. Women may also be subjected to "gaslighting," where their contributions are dismissed or belittled, making them question their own abilities and ideas.

Stereotyping and Prejudice

Stereotyping and prejudice can also contribute to women's reluctance to speak up. In a 2008 study published in?Psychological Science, men received a boost in their perceived status after expressing anger. In contrast, “women who expressed anger were consistently accorded lower status and lower wages, and were seen as less competent.” Another study showed women’s perceived deserved compensation dropped by 35%, twice as much as men’s dropped when equally aggressive in workplace communication. Because likability can be an even more important factor than competence for getting hired, women who breach gender stereotypes may jeopardise their career prospects.

Assertiveness backlash places women in a tenuous position. On the one hand, to emerge as a leader, women must adopt traits consistent with leadership stereotypes, i.e. act more stereotypically masculine. But, when women do act more assertively, they breach feminine stereotypes and suffer a likeability penalty that, in turn, limits their professional success.?

Lack of Role Models and Support

Another factor that can contribute to women's difficulty in showing up is a lack of role models and support. Women who are the only or one of few women in their workplace may feel isolated and unsupported, which can make it difficult for them to speak up and assert themselves. Cornell University’s School of Industrial and Labor Relations?found?that mentoring programs boosted minority representation at the management level by 9 to 24 percent (when compared to a -2 percent to 18 percent boost with other types of diversity initiatives). The same study also found that mentoring programs dramatically improved promotion and retention rates for minorities and women—15 to 38 percent as compared to non-mentored employees.

These are issues can be solved if we take a "change the system" rather than a "change the women" approach. This does not mean, however, that women do not have internal work to do to overcome our own internalized biases and to assert ourselves in the workplace, while challenging organizations work to create inclusive cultures and provide resources and support for women.

One of the most powerful tools for raising visibility is using our voice. When we are able to read social cues, increase our self awareness and demonstrate courage and self trust our voice gets stronger and our power more palpable.

It's the reason I created my 10-week, 1-on-1 Public Speaking Coaching Programme - to help women default to courage and start showing up, standing up and speaking up. ( ?CLICK HERE? to read more and register.)

So I am journaling this week to answer this simple question:

1. Where have I abandoned my personal responsibility to speak up for myself, champion my ideas, say no to unequal treatment and advocate for others?

2. Whose approval and acceptance am I buying with my silence?

I hope these questions can help you to look more deeply and honestly at yourself so you can see where the ball dropped and hopefully decide to pick it up!

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Krystal Tomlinson is a Courage Coach and Oratory Wizard! She is a Public Speaking Coach and Corporate Productivity Trainer serving teams in the Caribbean and North America. She is a Public Speaking Coach. She holds Certification from UC Berkeley's Greater Good Science Centre in the Science of Happiness and works passionately to help improve workplace wellness and personal productivity. For trainings, workshops and seminar bookings [email protected]

References:

Brescoll & Uhlmann. (2008). “Can an Angry Woman Get Ahead?Status Conferral, Gender, and Expression of Emotion in the Workplace”. Psychological Science, 19(3). 268-275. Retrieved from https://journals.sagepub.com/doi/full/10.1111/j.1467-9280.2008.02079.x

Moss-Racusin, C. A., Phelan, J. E., & Rudman, L. A. (2010). When men break the gender rules: Status incongruity and backlash against modest men. Psychology of Men & Masculinity, 11(2), 140–151. https://doi.org/10.1037/a0018093

Willemsen, T. M., De Pater, I. E., & Van Vianen, A. E. M. (2011). Why do women get less support than men?