Why women fall off the career ramp

Women’s psychology is primarily why they fall off the Career ramp

Psychology of women is not as studied and written about in the hallways of careers and growth as it should. And had someone done a great job of it, we would have all studied about it as part of curriculum in college because it would be considered a veritable fact that demands due address, especially for women students. It is the absence of this kind of pragmatic focus that compels some diversity focused organizations and leaders to take it on as a mission.

However in most cases, program ware from such Diversity drives, comes in too late because the human mind is hard-wired by then. Too hard-wired, to change. Awareness is a good thing, but awareness without innate passion has no might. It will not necessarily change the course these women employees will take eventually. A tiny fraction of women who anyway are sparks from a distant fire, are the ones who begin to burn brighter and bigger with these investments companies and programs make . That much little external stimulation is enough to propel them on their own journey of dreams, positive aggression and determination. Organizations that champion the cause really do a string of activities through the year in the hope they hit that bright spark somewhere and allow it to burn. Sadly though, this segment is marginal. In a study I conducted covering over 200 young women, almost 86% of young women at the workplace under 30, admitted to needing support systems at the workplace in the form of mentors, coaches, formal programs, special policies and leaders if they had to stay on the career course.

Women carry a perceived outline of “success as a woman” and her responsibilities

Success for women is a prescribed concept. And when they struggle to get there do these women employees talk openly about needing support? The answer is no. They come to this realization only when probed intensely. So where do they really park their fears and concerns? Most often in women cliques and groups they move around in. Groups that can’t do much, but at least hear them out. The concerns crop up only in the form of challenges, problems and issues – they usually do not link back to how they think and feel about their careers at all or what are the root causes that ail them. The day they do talk about it openly– is most often the day they put in papers and someone is filling out an exit form.

Women are programmed to talk about things indirectly. And when things get out of hand, they leave the circumstance or situation that stifles them rather than fight it out . The choice arrives out of being intensely attached to responsibilities at the personal front. A woman’s mind won’t allow her to do less for her kids, be less available for her spouse or be less responsible at home and be okay with it. So when she has to bite the bullet, instead of fighting to keep both sides alive – the professional and personal side - many a times they leave the rope on career. She is expected to be her fighting best for home, family and those she loves and not necessarily what she loves. When work demands get tighter, her own passion and desire to work start to diminish and with that no matter how many programs and interventions organizations run – there is very little anyone can do.

Lack of assertiveness and self- deprecation- one of the biggest issues

It is the lack of assertion that prevents most women employees from calling a spade a spade. The assertive woman employee actually knows how to hold a productive dialogue with her manager on what she needs and wants to make her career a good one. Most women however refrain from getting into those conversations outside of the formal performance review meetings because they fear being seen as incompetent / complaining / discounting self. A deeper probe revealed a whole different problem. Asking them to demonstrate, how they hold these career conversation (if ever they did)  opened a new can of worms. The conversation tone and the choice of words women employees use in such dialogues tend to be self deprecating or discounting themselves so their estimation of being seen poorly after a conversation was not way off at all.  Lines like…

• I really wish to work on XYZ project. I know don’t have the skills for it so is there a course I can attend to prepare?
• I know I am not ready for ABC job but I was wondering how…
• I can see other people growing here and I am not at the same pace – I would like to know why…

It is apparent with the words women choose in such critical communication, a listener has very little pushing in the corner to do, because they do it themselves. This revelation resulted in a journey of studying the mind-set of women employees.

 Women demand too much out of themselves

One of my discoveries was about the fact that most women, regardless of country and profile carry multiple responsibilities and roles and see it as natural. Women are wired by nature to have a keen awareness of role definition and what they are expected to behave like in those roles. Being able to demonstrate that to the T, brings them satisfaction and any deviation from the norm –brings Guilt. So it is common for women to want a household that is ship shape, as is the child’s homework, as is the meal coming out of the kitchen, her wardrobe, bill payments and everything her job demands. Often women employees find the demands of life getting over demanding as their own careers rise. With new roles, new responsibilities - come more things to do, more people to manage, more demands, more chores, more expectations and there is just woman turning into a juggler. Women tend to survive and some even learn to thrive in this constant juggle. But dropping balls is not acceptable and with that enters the head of the first serpent – “I don’t think I can grown any more in my career. If I can’t handle the pressure at managerial level , how will I ever manage if I move upward ?“.

Women are natural critiques

Being responsible for child rearing in a big way, most women are naturally good observers. They see and hear more. This is also why they master reading between the lines. It works well with raising children and being the disciplinarian or guide for your child but coming with that same eye to work usually is the problem. As critiques it is also natural for women to see where they flawed, did not do something, missed an important item, forgot something and get harsh with themselves for the error. As mothers it is hard for women if their children are going awry and are poor students. The feedback from a school principal will be taken personally and she sees herself as a failure. Likewise, when things at work demand attention – women tend to run themselves down. They first look at what they didn't do, should have done, didn't realize indirectly telling themselves, they failed again. The tone of that voice in the head is usually gunning for her and with that dies her confidence. There is no doubt that this is common and also that there are very smart and clever women who see things for what they are, call it out loud and speak for them. That is not a flaw – it is a merit.  Women who can stop blaming themselves and stop carry a hanging guilty head, look up at facts, what they learnt and how they can change, and are better warriors at the career battlefield.

This new generation of women at work do not have enough Women leaders as role models

 A young woman manager from Thailand said, ‘I am happy I am using my intelligence, I have a job, an identity, I am independent and can contribute to the family. I don’t aspire more because more means being more than I can be”. Such a view of what careers at the top does actually comes from having very few women at the top in the first place. Not knowing many or any such women personally. Not having a chance to see up close how they manage and handle life and career pressures. Most lost steam just as soon as the engine starts chugging.

Why Male managers need to upskill themselves on conversations with women as much as women need to learn to talk to them

There are books and a great deal of jokes on how women cling together, form cliques and bond with each other on women subjects regardless of nationality and age. The sisterhood is a fact and there is much logic to why as well. Women come together not just in families, community groups and society but also at the workplace. The huddle is more about being like- minded and similar in the stretch of life than anything that is a personality correlation. It is common to observe Women in the corporate space, coming together despite their obvious differences.  Education, work line, culture, area of expertise may be widely separating them however the connection they seek is more about a Listening ear, the willingness to understand, the surety of their comprehension and at times just “non judging company”.

Some women at managerial levels in a workshop, shared that they prefer to talk of their challenges and problems with women colleagues from other departments so that there is someone to lean on, and it won’t be public knowledge in the same department they work in. To survive the work place women are now making strategic women groups for themselves to align with.

On the subject of reporting to male managers – most are uncomfortable sharing issues with them, because they fear, they will be seen as incompetent, cry babies demanding attention. The women groups hear and try to resolve more than most managers ever get the chance to. The resolutions are not effective or sustainable but are temporary stop gaps but that is the best an outside body can provide. Compels one to think – why do they refrain from transparent conversations with managers? Discomfort, fear of building wrong perceptions and need for image maintenance, seem to be at the core of all their endeavours.

Going beyond themselves

So to prove they are as good as anyone else most admitted to working longer hours than needed , taking on other peoples work because there is a myth in the male employee world “Women employees are high maintenance”. They go on maternity leaves, call in saying child is sick, PTA and so on. So to compensate for the days they stay aware for all the above facts – they make up with more than ever. The burnt out is evident and not far. When this happens they boot out to fall off the career ramp forever or for a while.

Passion for their career, aspiration followed by determination, a fighting spirit to keep on course, assertiveness, conversation skills, confidence and relationship building is core to women’s success at the workplace. Hope to see the next decade change the woman at the workplace for the better. And in the interim – we need more women who have braved it all to come forth as Poster girls for the Career woman.

Seema Raghunath is a Business and Talent solutions expert with 20 years of experience as entrepreneur and a corporate employee. She brings with her ample expertise in Applied Psychology and Talent Solutioning. Being Director for The Corporate Chamber (TCC) Seema leads Client interface and Business. As an SME she anchors deployment of interventions herself. TCC places itself in a unique space where ‘ Psychology meets Science and People their business ‘.

This was an article that featured in the Thoughtful Thurday's, blog this week- Back to the Front by Peoplekonnect