"But WHY?!" - What Negotiators Can Learn from Children

You know how little kids ask you "But why" 50 times in a row and it drives you crazy?

"Why do bunnies die?" - "Because they get old." - "But why do they get old?" - "Because all living beings get old with time. It's just wear and tear." - "But why is living wear and tear?" ...

If you let it continue, you end up going down a rabbit hole you can't find your way out of, or so it seems. But as we know from Alice, it's a journey. It's a lesson. Things might feel strange for a while, but you end up with a deeper level of understanding.

Asking yourself why you're entering negotiation can be a similar process. On the surface, the answers are easy. "I want to sell our technology and services to this client, and I need to get the best deal possible." Or: "This joint venture is the next big step for our company; it will open doors to bigger projects." Or: "We really need this investment so that we can grow and outpace our competitors."

If you're willing to go slightly deeper, you could ask:

• Why do you need to outpace your competitors?
• Why do you want bigger projects?
• Or even: Why are you working in the green tech sector at all?

One level deeper, it gets a bit personal:

• What are the beliefs and convictions guiding you?
• Who are you doing this for?
• Where do you get the energy to do what you do?
• What motivates you, what drives you?

And then it gets more personal:

• Do your beliefs, convictions, motivations and the energy you bring with you make you a good negotiator?
• Why should you lead this negotiation?

So now you're looking at resources:

• Who can support you during the negotiation process?
• Who can help you prepare for it?
• Are there people on your team who have special skills or knowledge that can support you in getting the best result?

And then you start reflecting power structures within your company:

• What decisions are you empowered to make and for what decisions do you need to go back to others?
• Are you empowered enough or do you need to negotiate company-internal empowerment before you engage your counterpart?

And on and on it goes, and after a bit of that, you'll know how little you knew. And you'll know what it feels like to walk into a negotiation with rock-solid convictions about why you do what you do, but with none of those convictions getting in the way of making the best deal possible.

Because here's the crux: Hidden amongst our deepest convictions we may hold some beliefs about ourselves or others that stand in the way of getting the best deal.

If you want to know more about this mindset-minefield, read on here.

--

Next: https://www.dhirubhai.net/pulse/why-having-great-values-can-ruin-your-negotiation-do-ben-kimura-gross/