Why to What to How to Why…..?

Why can’t I have a better life?

Why is this happening to me?

Why do people treat me poorly?

Why don’t I look better?

Why can’t I just get a break?

Why does everything go wrong in my life?

Why does everyone else seem to have it better than me?

Any of these questions resonate with you? They did with me.  ‘Why?’ is a wonderful question to ask, but if you’re anything like me, it must be asked in the right order of questions and at the right time.  For me, the definition of the word itself was a source of confusion.  

Why; for what reason or purpose, with reference to a reason of which, for which. 

Sure thing, Webster, that was not helpful at all - or is it?  ‘Why’ I wanted to change things in my life was because honestly, my way wasn’t working (‘the reason’).  My way was the reason ‘for which’ there was a need for change.  By the way, if you are reading this because one of the first few questions did resonate, welcome to a wonderful journey of renewal.  I’m proud of you.

Let’s take the First step on that journey: let’s take the same questions in that list and change the first word from Why to What.

What is my life?

What is happening to me?

What do people do to me?

What do I look like?

What break am I looking for?

What is going wrong in my life?

What is better in other people’s lives?

Can you see or feel or even detect a small difference in What vs. Why?

‘Why’ is often an unanswerable question, positioning us as powerless, a victim.  

‘What’ focuses our question – it calls us to be specific, to be responsible, to a role of power.  

For me this simple transposition of one word helped me get to the core of self-renewal.  By asking and honestly answering the new questions it took me from being a victim to being an owner.  My fiancée reminded me of this huge emotional gain just a few months ago as I was fretting over this new company and passion when she said, ”Remember, you ARE a retired business owner.”  It is very cathartic to be able to look at your life as it actually is without the filters of enabling, denial, self-preservation, etc.

Questioning with ‘What’ also has the added benefit of reflecting reality, an accurate vs a warped version that is way more imagined than real. So, we take to answering What and this leads us, if we are serious about change, to the Second step of our journey: How.

‘How’ is by definition, “asking, in what way or manner, used to ask about the condition or quality of something.” Merriam Webster.   I love this because it forced me to retire from the debate society roaming around in my head; the one that said, ‘Well, my life isn’t so bad, that guy is worse off than me.”  Subtle, but important for me who always could find the loophole in all things.  The quality, the condition of my life is to be the focus.  How and what course do I take to change the quality of my life, not your life - mine. 

And now we put them together for our Third step, ‘The How-and-What.’  

Even the definition of ‘How’ needs the word ‘What’ to describe its own definition!  The two often go together and need each other for change: by what way, manner, or means are we asking for new information to change our daily habits and behaviors to facilitate the life we want and the person we wish to become?  How and What are needed to achieve abundance.  

So, we asked earlier, ‘What do I look like?’  On March 14th, 2014, I answered, ‘I am fat and out of shape weighing 300 pounds by my own will, wishful thinking, stuck on the Why of things.’  Remember the reference to ‘a reason of which for which?’  What can I do? Everything!  I sought a new way, manner, and means to my goals.  How can I do it? Where I had significant deficits, I employed aid or assets and help.  Unlike earlier attempts, this time I followed the What’s and How’s precisely and then a wonderful thing happened: I found myself back at the Why!!  My life is now so filled with happiness and serenity.  My relationships are being reconciled each and every day.  I am writing a book and have begun to pass along my story to help others.  My health has never been better.  I no longer worry about my finances.  WHY?  Because I started with the right question first: What.  We at SLC., are helping people each day answer the What of their lives accurately, then outlining a plan of How, holding them accountable to the How and What, and watching them with a sense of pure joy when they look at us astounded and ask, “Why did that work?!?”  

From me to you, ‘How’s’ it going with your ‘What’s’ and your ‘Why’s’?

LOL>Michael