Why We're Irritated

I was frustrated and dismayed at the leaders. How could they not see what was needed - what was most obvious? Nothing made sense. Shall I quit? I thought incessantly. Sheer incompetence!

A few days later, I sat face to face with a star from my team. She had just told me she was leaving the organization. I could see through her reasons - they were superficial and incoherent. Disappointed as I was, I wanted to learn the truth.

"What is it you're NOT telling me?" I asked. An awkward, long pause followed. I let the discomfort hang in the room.

"I feel I'm not growing," she finally answered. "And I have a hard time accepting your leadership. Your actions don't back your words, there's a lack of direction... it's like you're blind to what your team needs of you. Nothing makes sense sometimes."

"But, I've always..." I started in protest, ready with a rebuttal because I knew the amount of time and effort I'd invested in her growth, and that I always had the best interest of my team at heart. But I stopped. I couldn't finish the sentence. I realized she was feeling exactly how I felt about my leaders lately. It was thoroughly humbling.

I asked her to go on and listened to the rest of what she had to say. Every frustration or issue she expressed was what I had with the people I worked for. Things have a way of coming full circle.

A line by Carl Jung reverberated in my head: "Everything that irritates us about others can lead us to an understanding of ourselves."