Why we're intolerant AF of other people's opinions, advice and thoughts. 3 ways to model the kind of communication the world desperately needs

The way we communicate these days is well… a bit messy.?

Rather watch. Find me over on TikTok?

Why are we so intolerant of other people’s thoughts & opinions?

Short answer… Because we’re masquerading as humans. We treat each other’s opinions like unsolicited push notifications.

Between online shout matches, knee-jerk reactions, and the art of hate tweeting, it feels like the world is collectively failing at saying things in a way that actually gets us somewhere.

The deeper reasons we’re annoyed:

1. We’re defensive AF: Someone says, “Have you considered a different way to do that?” and we hear, You’re a failure and I hate everything about you. We’re wired to take things personally, even when it’s not about us.

2. Confirmation bias is comfortable: If opinions were playlists, we’d all be stuck on repeat. We love to stick to what we already know, like a bad 90’s remix, and anything new feels like static.

3. We’re married to our beliefs: Somewhere along the line, we decided our opinions were sacred vows: Till death do us part. So when someone challenges them, it feels like a personal attack instead of an invitation to think.

4. We’re tired: Let’s be honest… there’s a lot of noise out there. It’s easier to shut down than sift through the opinions flying at us like confetti in a windstorm.

Tolerance in a World of Noise

The world is hella LOUD, and sometimes it feels like everyone is shouting their opinions from a megaphone. But shutting down every perspective we don’t agree with isn’t the answer. We can’t create a better world if we refuse to hear each other.

Sure there are beliefs and behaviors we should absolutely challenge… hate, discrimination, injustice. But most of the time, what divides us isn’t evil… it’s misunderstanding.

Respecting others’ perspectives isn’t about compromising truth. It’s about building bridges where there’s potential for growth and connection.

And when there’s no bridge to be built? You still get to walk away with your dignity intact.

Tolerance doesn’t mean sacrificing your values… it means being strong enough to listen, smart enough to decide what to keep, and brave enough to walk away when you need to.

Myths About Tolerance (And Why They’re Trash)

1. “Listening means agreeing.” No, it doesn’t actually. Listening just means you’re giving your brain a chance to stretch. You can nod politely and still walk away thinking, Yeah, no.

2. “Boundaries mean you can’t be tolerant.” False. Boundaries are about saying, “I’m not subscribing to your energy.” Tolerance is about saying, “But I’ll still hear you out… unless you’re poopin’ on my peace.”

3. “Listening to others will make me lose myself.” Cough Bullshit. Listening doesn’t erase your identity… it sharpens it. If your opinions crumble every time they’re questioned, maybe they needed a renovation anyway.

4. “Tolerance is weakness.” Let’s clear this up: Weakness is slamming the door because you’re scared of the conversation. Tolerance is saying, “I can handle this, even if I don’t agree.”?

How Intolerance Holds Us Back

When we shut people down before hearing them out, we limit our growth. We miss the chance to expand our understanding or refine our own beliefs. It’s like putting on blinders and then wondering why the view sucks.

Plus, intolerance isolates us. It feeds the “no one gets me” narrative and keeps us locked in our own echo chamber, talking to ourselves about how right we are. [The old version of me has her hand to the sky on this one].?

Recently, I’ve been allowing myself to be in spaces and places for conversations where we do have different perspectives. We’re different ages… generally millennials to the over 50’s, and I’m being open to their perspectives while I speak authentically without dumbing myself down. It’s refreshing AF.

And it’s what the world needs, at least in my opinion.

I don’t know how life has touched these people.

I don’t know what path they’ve been walking.

I don’t know what wounds, traumas, insecurities and shameful experiences they’re holding on to.

I don’t know why they believe what they believe, but I’m willing to hear it.?

And the thing is… we can complain about how they communicate, or we can decide to lead by example. And from experience—that’s actually the harder choice, but damn it’s worth it.

Modeling healthy communication doesn’t mean agreeing with everyone or letting them walk all over you.?

You're not being some saint with some fake smile on your face listening to nonsense while you're screaming inside.

And there’s a big difference between disagreeing and being disrespected. If someone is spewing hate, crossing your boundaries, or draining your energy, you don’t owe them your time and attention.

Choosing peace over chaos isn’t weakness, period.

But I’m talking about those conversations with your boo, with that group you’re in, in that meeting you’re having, in the messages you share on your socials, in the interactions you have with people online, etc.

It’s about how you show up in those conversations.

Here are 3 ways we can model the kind of communication we want to see in the world.

Keep in mind your energy always goes before you regardless of any words you speak. People can feel/sense it, even if they don’t know they can. So practicing being genuine until you get to a place of truly being genuine will take your communication to another level.

1. Curiosity instead of defensiveness. Instead of, “What a dumb thing to say,” (I don’t know that you’d say that out loud, but I don’t know you sooooo….) try, “Huh, I wonder why they think that?” or “Why do you think that?” It’s not about proving them wrong—it’s about understanding where they’re coming from.

2. Boundaries with kindness. You can say, “I don’t agree, but I appreciate hearing your perspective,” without setting the room on fire. Respect their right to an opinion while owning your right not to adopt it.

3. Humility in your own opinions. Just because you feel right doesn’t mean you are right. Leave space for the possibility that your perspective could shift or evolve.

My opinion of what the world does NOT need:

• Snarky comebacks disguised as “truth-telling.” (We see you, and so does karma (I kid, I kid… or do I…)
• Treating every disagreement as a battlefield. Not every opinion is a hill worth dying on.
• Ghosting conversations just because they’re uncomfortable. This one is my favorite. Growth comes from navigating the hard stuff, not ignoring it. I love having a conversation with another person who realizes this, because this is where the juice and evolution reside.

When you use communicate with clarity, compassion, and curiosity, something incredible happens: people see a way forward. They see an example of what’s possible when egos take a backseat and mutual respect takes the wheel.

Keepin’ it 100%

You’re going to get it wrong sometimes. You’ll lose your temper, say the wrong thing, or shut down when you wish you hadn’t. Modeling healthy communication doesn’t mean you’re flawless—it means you’re intentional.?

Remember, tolerance begins with how we treat ourselves. The more grace we give ourselves for being messy, evolving humans, the easier it is to extend that grace to others.??

So, hear others without losing yourself. Set boundaries without building walls. Disagree without dehumanizing.?

Show up in a way that says, “This is the kind of world I want to live in, and I’m willing to lead the charge.”

The next time you’re in a tough conversation, ask yourself: What am I modeling right now? Because whether you realize it or not, someone’s watching. And you might just be teaching them how to communicate better, one word at a time.

JeeJee