Why We Should Stop to Think About the Implications of Our Words Before We Open Our Mouths

The more we become aware of what causes groups of people offense, the more conscious we can be to not offend them.

This week I was liaising via email with a client organisation to arrange coaching for an employee. The person in HR who I regularly liaised with, recently left the organisation for pastures new, and my new point of contact is getting used to the new role.

When confirming dates with them, I was about to comment that I hoped that they were finding their feet, but I stopped myself to reflect on what it was that I was saying. A comment like that, which has been commonly used over the years (when referring to being comfortable in a new situation), could be problematic. I have never met this person, so how do I know whether or not they have feet?

It reminded me of a situation from back when I was a senior leader in an organisation. One of my direct reports (a well experienced leader) gave feedback to an unsuccessful interview candidate that they were looking for someone who could hit the ground running.

Again, that is a term that is commonly used to mean someone who can start something and proceed at a fast pace with great enthusiasm. However, this person took offence (due to reasons of a personal nature) and lodged a complaint. Whilst the complaint was not upheld, it highlights the need for us to be sensitive to the effect our words have on others.

Many of us use terminology that was considered acceptable many years ago, but with the passage of time and the expansion of knowledge, it is recognised that such words are no longer appropriate or acceptable. Just because grandma said it, it doesn’t mean that it is ok.

Likewise, we all have biases that have been shaped by our culture, environments, and lived experiences. Our unconscious biases influence the decisions that we make, and our behaviour towards other people.

Some of us recognise that those biases may not be inclusive and seek to address that. However, some people, unfortunately, do not. They lack awareness and don't stop to think that their way of thinking and behaving may be derogatory or offensive to others.

A case in point is the situation this week where Dr Jeffrey A. Lieberman, the Chief of Psychiatry of Columbia University tweeted an image of Black Sudanese model Nyakim Gatwech with an offensive comment. Which I posted about earlier here on LinkedIn .

How is it that a man of his position and education, and with his responsibility, can make such a racist and sexist comment and not have the awareness that it is offensive? This highlights that we still have a long way to go to achieve gender and racial equity.

With social media it can be so easy for someone to express an opinion without giving thought to the effect their words will have. When they realise the error of their ways through the outrage that is caused, even if they then delete the post, the damage has been done. As was the case with Dr Lieberman. Retweets and screenshots leave a footprint back to the offender.

If more of us stopped to think about the implications of our words (and the offense they may cause to others) before opening our mouths or pressing send, although still not perfect, what a better world it would be.

________________________

As the world opens back up, in person networking events are back on again. After 2 years of virtual networking, it's time to dust off those networking shoes. But for many introverted women, having not done it for so long, the thought of it is not filling them with enthusiasm at all. Join me in this live session on 1 March where I will share networking tips for introverted leaders. Register here so you are notified and get the link when it starts.

________________________

For many introverted women leaders, negotiation may not be one of their strongest assets in the corporate environment. Some may believe it involves confrontation and so avoid it. In this episode I speak to Mark Herschberg, CTO and Author about how to reframe negotiation so that it feels less daunting. Click on the podcast link above to listen to our conversation.

Please note there will be no newsletter or podcast episode next week.

________________________

About Me

I am an Executive, Career and Leadership Coach specialising in introverted women who are senior leaders. I've been the featured expert in Women and Home Magazine, Good Housekeeping Magazine, the Telegraph, on BBC Radio 5 Live, named a LinkedIn Top Voice UK 4 years running, and received awards for my work developing women leaders.

Through my work I have helped 1000s of women across the globe to increase their confidence, influence and impact as leaders, and overcome imposter syndrome, increase their executive presence, improve speaking performance in meetings, get a promotion, and much more.

My vision is that ALL women achieve their full potential and become influencers of positive change in their respective fields.

If you are an introverted woman and a senior leader and want to increase your confidence, influence and impact, take my free assessment and get a report identifying areas to develop. You can take the assessment?here .?

My book Quietly Visible: Leading with Influence and Impact as an Introverted Woman addresses many of the challenges that introverted women face as leaders and shows you how to overcome them. It was listed as one of the 10 best self-development books written by women to read during lockdown by BeYourOwn. You can get your copy?here ?along with a FREE recording of my How to Overcome Imposter Syndrome workshop.