Why We Should Stop Caring What Other People Think

If we want to be our best and perform at a high level , fear of people’s opinions may be holding us back . Think about a time when we were extremely anxious — say, before standing up to publicly speak , raising our hand in a big meeting, or even walking through a room of strangers . The reason we felt small and scared and tense is we were worried about social disapproval.

Our fear of other people’s opinions, or FOPO as I call it, has become an irrational and unproductive obsession in the new world, and its negative effects reach far beyond performance. If we start?paying less and less attention to what makes us?US —?our talents, beliefs, and values — and start conforming to what others may or?may not?think, we’ll harm our potential. We’ll start playing it safe because we’re afraid of what will happen on the other side of the critique. We’ll fear being ridiculed or rejected. When challenged, we’ll surrender our viewpoint.

If we really want to conquer FOPO ( Fear About People Opinion ), we’ll need to cultivate more self-awareness. Most of us go through life with a general sense of who we are, and, in a lot of circumstances, that’s enough. But if we want to be our best while being less fearful of people’s opinions, we need to develop a stronger and much deeper sense of who we are.

We can start by developing a personal philosophy — a?word or phrase that expresses our basic beliefs and values. When coming up with a personal philosophy, ask yourself a series of questions:

• When I’m at my best, what beliefs lie just beneath the surface of my thoughts and actions?
• Who are people that demonstrate characteristics and qualities that are in alignment with mine?
• What are those qualities?
• What are our favorite quotes ? Our favorite words ?

Once we’ve answered these questions, circle the words that stand out to we and cross out the ones that don’t. After studying what’s left, try to come up with a phrase or sentence that lines up with exactly who we are and how we want to live our life. Share the draft with a loved one, ask for input, and fine-tune our philosophy from there. Then commit it to memory and return to it daily.

Crafting a personal philosophy can be an eye-opening and powerful exercise. Once we’ve developed our own personal philosophy, commit ourselves to live in accordance with its tenets. Moving forward, solicit feedback from a short list of people who matter to us. Honest reflection is a vital component of mastery. Most of all, remember that growth and learning take place when we’re operating at the edge of our capacity. Like blowing up a nearly inflated balloon, living in accordance with our personal philosophy will require more effort and power, but, the result, which is to authentically and artistically express who we are, will push us to live and work with more purpose and meaning.