Why we should cherish criticisms

We cherish accolades, it makes us euphoric and inundates our body with dopamine, a feel-good hormone. Conversely, excoriations make us feel depressed and sap out the energy from us. The almost universal mechanism is not necessarily a benefit for the human race. One can argue the opposite. Those minuscule percentage of human beings, who manage to show an obverse reaction, climb up the evolution ladder. If the normal response is not optimal for human beings' sustenance, why do we display such behaviour in the first place? And what exactly is this response?

When our friends/colleagues/others chasten us, we display any one of the following common traits:

1. Perceive it as an attack on us: Our antennas stand up, The fight-flight response of the system is activated and depending on how we respond to such stress, our body/mind react.
2. Conclude that we are not good enough: We then recede into our shell, feel that this is an indication that we are not worthy enough and enter a territory of lethargy and depression.

The actual reaction maybe some combination of both the responses. The initial perception is just the start of a chain reaction. Depending on how messed up we are as human beings, this triggers a minor storm or a major tsunami. Some may have conditioned into thinking that you do not deserve love if you are not good enough. If this is so, the initial trigger of criticism may drag us into a state of hopelessness, self-pity and a feeling of being unloved. If we have grown up thinking the world is a cruel place, we may fly into a rage; the simmering anger may burn us and leave us charred for a while. The complexities and nuances of our upbringing, our value systems determine the path we will take when somebody censures us.

While these are the typical reactions, the obverse reaction(which we mentioned earlier) leads to some enlightening consequence for the human. 

1. Instead of perceiving it as a threat, we become more intent in listening to the words. The objective is to determine if we can glean if there is any truth to what is said, and use it as a self-correction tool. Three things may happen when we listen intently: 
2. The person delivering the words may moderate themselves if their criticism is unwarranted.
3. They may modulate themselves so that you can give us more clarity.
4. If their statements have no merit, they may taper off or wane into a soliloquy.
5. We then embark on a journey of self-introspection and correct our behaviour based on the criticism.
6. At all times, while the conditioning may drive us into a typical response, we use awareness to keep the feelings of unworthiness or attack in check and develop an alternative reaction beneficial to us.

All of us can unlearn and fall back on the most pristine reaction to criticisms. This mechanism prunes away unfair and dishonest criticisms and encourages righteous and truthful statements. Our responses leave us sanguine, composed and happy even to the most withering attacks. By not responding to an offensive barrage of words, we calm down the entire environment and bring a sense of righteousness into the air. Minor disagreements may not turn into significant kerfuffles. At an individual level, one avoids hours of a foul mood, depression, lethargy, self-pity.

How we react is in our hands. The state of existence that we want to revel in - one of vitality and kilter or turbulence and instability is also something we can control. 

Note: At Aashwasan, we take an individual through an experiential journey due to which they can shed such unwanted and harmful behaviour patterns.