why we self-sabotage

When things get going too good, our brain freaks out. We self-sabotage. We look for the other shoe to drop or we wonder if it's all too good to be true. We tell ourselves we can't celebrate until it's official. We pick a fight with someone we care about. Something bad happens.

These are all signs of an Upper Limit Problem.

Basically the Upper Limit Problem (by Gay Hendricks) says that our brain has a set point of what it's comfortable with (how much happiness, success, abundance, etc.).

So when your level of happiness rises above the set point, your brain thinks there's an error. It's afraid something has gone wrong - it feels uncomfortable. And so it does something to bring your happiness level back to "normal," where it is comfortable. Cue the self-sabotage.

Something happens (or you do something) that brings that happiness back to your set point. Now your brain feels comfortable again. (Plus your set point is validated - your brain starts thinking, "see, it was too good to be true.")

When I learned about this, I was so relieved. Because knowing about it means that this self-sabotage isn't our fault. And that we can expect our brain to freak out as we reach new levels of happiness, success, abundance, etc. So nothing has gone wrong. Our brain is just doing its job and trying to bring us back down to our set point.

Now, I can notice when I start feeling those "it's too good to be true" thoughts and know it's just an Upper Limit Problem. I can remind my brain, that actually, no. It's not too good to be true. That this extra happiness is what I wanted. That it's safe to be here. I don't need to self-sabotage (but when I do, I don't beat myself up so much for it - it's just a sign of an Upper Limit Problem after all). And gradually, I move my set point higher.

So, I'd love to hear - have you noticed self sabotage in your life recently?