Why We Reward 'Battling Through' and Toxic Resilience

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A couple of weeks ago, I wrote an article about Toxic Resilience (if you missed it, you can read/listen to it here ). After posting it, I received numerous personal messages from readers thanking me, but they didn't want to comment publicly because they didn't want their colleagues to see it.

I subsequently wrote a post about rewarding 'battling through,' which equally prompted messages. As this topic obviously hits a chord with so many people, I thought it was worth exploring a little further.

In contemporary society, perseverance and resilience are often celebrated virtues. Stories of individuals battling adversity, facing overwhelming odds, and emerging victorious are hailed as inspiring and worthy of admiration. After all, many of our favourite Hollywood films are based on this very theme.

However, there is a darker side to this narrative—one that honours what can be termed "toxic resilience." This form of resilience glorifies enduring hardship at all costs, often to the detriment of one's mental and physical health.

Understanding why we reward battling through and why toxic resilience is so pervasive requires a deep dive into cultural values, psychological factors, and societal norms.

The Cultural Idolisation of Perseverance

The glorification of perseverance is deeply rooted in cultural narratives. Many societies have foundational myths and stories that highlight the triumph of the human spirit over adversity. From ancient myths to modern-day success tales, these stories create a powerful narrative framework that equates resilience with moral virtue and success.

1. Historical and Cultural Narratives

Stories like those of Odysseus in Greek mythology or modern tales of business moguls rising from rags to riches serve as potent examples. These narratives reinforce the idea that struggling through hardships is not only necessary but noble.

2. Media and Entertainment

Popular media plays a significant role in perpetuating this ideal. Movies, books, and TV shows often depict protagonists who face immense challenges and emerge stronger. The hero's journey archetype encapsulates this perfectly. The protagonist's growth and ultimate success are contingent on their ability to endure and overcome adversity.

Psychological Underpinnings of Rewarding Resilience

The psychological aspects of why we reward resilience are multifaceted. People are naturally drawn to stories of triumph because they provide hope and a sense of possibility. Additionally, witnessing or hearing about others' resilience can be motivating and serve as a psychological boost in times of personal struggle.

1. Social Comparison and Motivation

Social comparison theory suggests that individuals evaluate their own worth based on how they compare to others. Stories of resilience can inspire individuals to persevere in their own lives, hoping to achieve similar success.

2. Cognitive Dissonance

When individuals face challenges, they often need to believe their suffering has a purpose. Cognitive dissonance theory suggests that people have a psychological drive to maintain consistency among their beliefs, attitudes, and behaviours. By valuing resilience, individuals can justify their struggles and maintain a sense of purpose and coherence.

3. Positive Reinforcement

Society tends to reward resilience with praise, recognition, and sometimes tangible rewards such as promotions or financial incentives. These rewards reinforce the behaviour, encouraging individuals to continue enduring hardships.

The Dark Side: Toxic Resilience

While resilience is undoubtedly a valuable trait, its darker counterpart, toxic resilience, can lead to significant harm. Toxic resilience is characterised by the relentless pursuit of perseverance, often ignoring the need for self-care, mental health, and well-being.

1. Mental Health Implications

Constantly pushing oneself to battle through adversity without addressing underlying stressors can lead to burnout, anxiety, and depression. The societal pressure to appear strong can prevent individuals from seeking help, exacerbating mental health issues.

2. Physical Health Consequences

Chronic stress and the refusal to take breaks can result in severe physical health problems, including cardiovascular diseases, weakened immune systems, and other stress-related illnesses.

3. Erosion of Empathy and Compassion

Toxic resilience often involves a suppression of emotions and vulnerability. This suppression can erode one's capacity for empathy and compassion, both towards oneself and others. It can foster a harsh internal dialogue and a judgmental attitude towards those perceived as less resilient.

Societal and Workplace Implications

The emphasis on battling through adversity extends beyond individual experiences and infiltrates societal and workplace cultures, leading to systemic issues.

1. Workplace Burnout Culture

Many workplaces promote a culture of overwork and constant productivity, rewarding employees who push themselves to the limit. I know I've certainly worked for organisations like this in the past. This culture not only leads to individual burnout but also creates a toxic work environment where taking breaks or admitting to stress is stigmatised.

2. Inequity and Resilience

The expectation of resilience often fails to account for systemic inequalities. Individuals from marginalised communities may face additional barriers and stressors, making the expectation of resilience not only unfair but also unrealistic.

3. Stigmatisation of Vulnerability

Societal norms often stigmatise vulnerability and emotional openness. This stigmatisation can prevent individuals from seeking support, leading to a culture where suffering in silence is normalised and even celebrated.

Combating Toxic Resilience

To combat the negative implications of toxic resilience, it is crucial to develop a more nuanced understanding of resilience—one that values self-care, vulnerability, and balance.

1. Promoting Self-Care and Mental Health

Encouraging self-care and prioritising mental health is essential. This includes normalising the need for breaks, therapy, and other forms of mental health support.

2. Valuing Vulnerability

Shifting societal attitudes to value vulnerability and openness can help create a more supportive environment. Recognising that asking for help is a form of strength, not weakness, is a critical step.

3. Creating Supportive Environments

Both in society and workplaces, creating environments that support rather than punish individuals for taking care of themselves is vital. Policies that promote work-life balance, mental health days, and accessible support systems are necessary.

The Wrap-up

The glorification of battling through adversity and the celebration of resilience are deeply ingrained in our cultural and psychological frameworks. While resilience is undoubtedly a valuable trait, its toxic counterpart can lead to significant harm.

By fostering a deeper understanding of resilience that values self-care, vulnerability, and support, we can mitigate the negative impacts of toxic resilience and create a healthier, more supportive society.

It's time to redefine what it means to be resilient and recognise that true strength lies not only in enduring hardships but also in knowing when to seek help and prioritise well-being.

What Next?

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