Why We Really Work

For the past few years, I lost the will to work.

All of my passion, all of the pride I'd always taken in my creations - gone.

It didn't happen one day. I didn't wake up one morning feeling empty.

It was a slow drain. Months and years of chasing profits, projects, and relationships that pecked away at my core.

When the damage was done, a ghost remained.

That guy who launched a company in 2010 with endless energy and excitement, now struggled to get out of bed. I made daily appearances, but my spirit laid there, lifeless, for the better part of three years.

I ceaselessly tormented myself. I had bet my career on becoming an entrepreneur. I had risked mine and my family's future, and I had failed.

Tail between my legs, I began applying for jobs. It felt like a betrayal of my business and the countless hours invested by me and everyone else who had helped me build my dream.

With the shame I was battling, I avoided asking for help from friends or letting anyone know I was on the market.

Like so many others, I was denied and ghosted from a myriad of roles. I went from feeling like a failure to embodying overwhelming feelings of defeat.

But like all of life’s plans, things were unfolding exactly as they needed to. I just wasn't paying close enough attention. Or, I was simply too preoccupied, tending to the fearful chatter of my mind.

What hurts you, blesses you. Darkness is your candle. - Rumi

An old feeling returns

Then one morning, only a couple of months ago, I woke up feeling an old but familiar itch. My eyes flickered open at 4:30 AM with the seed of a new business idea. For the first time in years, I sprung from my bed, into my home office, and dropped into a creative flow.

I pursued that idea for 14 hours, stopping only for Dad duties and bodily essentials. The next day, I did it again. The day after, once more.

A couple weeks later, my idea was taking shape. A kernel of self-belief returned.

I worked fervently.

Then, one month in, something happened. A signal that reminded me of our innate power when we do important, impassioned work -- I got a sale. And just like that, my entrepreneurial spirit was re-kindled.

I danced around my office. I pumped my fist, “YES!!”

Not because of the $247. But because I had committed to work that filled me and that I knew in my heart would help others. And in recognition, as it always does, the universe gave me a nod to keep going.

It’s been several weeks now and my focus, vigor, confidence, and productivity have steadily bloomed.

What started as a half-baked idea, has manifested into a full-on business pivot that’s showing great signs.

I’ve gotten a few more sales. Mostly, I’m just excited to be excited again. To feel like I’m using my talents. That I’m contributing to the world.

Isn’t that why we work? To create things of value that we’re proud of?

I’m so fortunate to have rediscovered my passion.

I'm so humbled to be shipping work that's making a difference.

And I'm beyond grateful to feel secure and steady again, and the peace and presence that imparts on my life.

Keep going

I share this story today because I’m proud of my journey. Also, because I know there are countless others, entrepreneurs and otherwise, that are battling dark days.

I want you to know that it gets better. The trick is to stop listening to the stories in your head and place your attention on your heart.

Your heart won’t lead you wrong. At times, it will feel like you were set up to fail. But if you’re willing to search down deep and see the challenges as opportunities, I promise you’ll find the message you need to hear.

To the mind that is still, the whole universe surrenders. - Lao Tzu

One closing thought…

I shared another version of this story back in May.

One thing I heard from so many who reached out was that they had no idea I was suffering to the degree I was. That’s the part that scares me…

We’ve built this world where we condemn ourselves to suffer in silence. To show up with a brave face, only to be reeling inside. What are we teaching our kids? After all, they always know how we’re really doing.

Now that I seem to be through the thick of the storm, I don’t regret a single day from the past few years. My only wish is that I had been more open and honest, sooner. If not for my own well-being, for everyone else feeling lost.

If that’s you, don’t sit with it on your own. Reach out.

While we may be strangers, I've been there and I'm cheering for you.