Why we prevent ourselves from being authentic and how to fix it.

The biggest thing that keeps us from being authentic is believing what we and others foolishly tell us we need to be. For me, this lesson started early. When I was five years old, a babysitter asked me what I wanted to be when I grew up. I told her I wanted to be a doctor. She turned to me and said, “Honey, you can’t be a doctor. You’re a girl.” Imagine hearing that at five years old. Some people might believe that lie. Lucky for me, that’s not what my parents raised me to believe, and it ticked me off. It still ticks me off. In fact, it stuck with me all through school. My defiance in being told what I could (and could not) be drove me to pick microbiology as a major in college and to get my master’s degree. It drives me still as an entrepreneur. You cannot let someone else decide what you’re going to do in life. Not now. Not ever. Side note: My senior year of college, I decided against becoming a doctor, but it was my own decision – I did not let it become someone else’s.

Discerning the criticism you receive

We get a lot of advice over the course of our lives and careers, some good and some not so good. It’s important to recognize when someone is giving us criticism that’s helpful (though it may not always be fun to hear) and when it’s something that is, at best, dumb advice they’ve been mindlessly told or, at worst, something that will harm you in some way - causing you to doubt yourself and/or your abilities.

There are so many rules that are completely made up by self-proclaimed experts about how to go through life and behave at home or work. You don’t have to be the same kind of person or leader other people tell you to be. Don’t be afraid to learn by making your own mistakes, and craft your own rules on how to kick butt at home or work. I became a more authentic, happy person, and a better leader when I did so.

Not comparing yourself to others

Ten years ago, I remember telling a mentor that I wished I was more like a friend of mine, Dawn. She’s smart, charming, and always seems to have the right words for any situation. She has this perfect balance of kindness, humor, and confidence and I wanted to be just like her. I didn’t possess many of the same skills, and I felt less-than in comparison. Since that time, I’ve learned that you do yourself a tremendous disservice by comparing yourself and your achievements (or lack thereof) to anyone else on the planet. We each have some pretty great skills that will lead us to our own success, peace, and joy. Spoiler alert: None of us are perfect. My friend, Dawn - she’s not perfect, and she’ll be the first person to tell you (in a smart, charming, and funny way, of course). We all have flaws, and that’s more than ok – it’s wonderful. Figure out what you possess that’s unique and different (even the flaws), and embrace it. Every weakness can also be a tremendous strength, if you learn how to harness it.

Erika Flora, PMP, CSM, and ITIL Expert is a Principal Consultant at BEYOND20. You can follow Erika on Twitter and join BEYOND20 on Facebook and Youtube. Read all of BEYOND20's blog articles here.