Why We Often Praise Others' Achievements Over Our Own

When was the last time you encountered something so captivating that you were driven to share it with others? It could have been an article, a meme, or even a book. Personally, I constantly find myself sharing the latest book I've read with someone. I enjoy passing on impactful quotes and I truly find joy in sharing valuable research.

This is the very reason I enjoy my weekly streaming show ‘Asking for a Sister Friend’. Each week I invite a guest who has knowledge to share who is an expert in mental health and wellness. Each guest brings their unique perspective and practical advice, helping to demystify mental health and make wellness accessible to everyone.

The feedback has been overwhelmingly positive, with many listeners expressing how much the show has helped them in their personal journeys. It’s a gratifying experience to know that we’re not only inspiring our listeners but also to broadening the audience for the professionals who appear as guests on our show. By offering a platform where their expertise can shine, I hope to help my guests realize the extraordinary work they are doing and how others can benefit from their knowledge and insights. Check out episodes 1-15 on my YouTube channel.

As I think about my own intentions around sharing the expertise of others, I have to ask myself why I am so eager to share other’s expertise but sometimes overlook my own extraordinary contributions. Maybe it boils down to a deep respect for other’s talents and wisdom that compels me to celebrate and share their victories. Celebrating their achievements allows me to draw inspiration, learning from their experiences and successes. However, in this process, I might unintentionally downplay my own accomplishments, forgetting that my journey and wisdom also hold significant value.

Maybe the root cause is trying to be humble. My upbringing taught me from a young age to downplay my own achievements to avoid appearing boastful. This makes it difficult for me to recognize and celebrate my own successes. There could be other reasons for this behavior causing individuals to fail to recognize and celebrate our own successes.?

For instance, in my work with women married to pastors and influencers, I ultimately I named a syndrome called ‘the first lady syndrome’. This term refers to the unique set of challenges and pressures faced by women who find themselves in the spotlight or in the shadows due to their husband’s prominent position. These women often navigate a complex landscape of public expectations, media scrutiny, and personal aspirations. The First Lady Syndrome encapsulates the emotional and psychological toll that comes with being thrust into a role that demands grace, diplomacy, and relentless public service, often with little preparation or support.

I first coined the syndrome due to a series of interviews and case studies where I helped women overcome feelings of isolation, anxiety and identity crisis. These women, often accomplished in their own right, found themselves overshadowed by their husbands' careers and expected to conform to traditional roles. I observed that spouses of pastors and influencers often faced unique challenges, including immense public scrutiny, loss of privacy, and the pressure to maintain a perfect public image. My work shed light on the emotional and mental health struggles that these women endure, often behind the scenes and away from the public eye.

Ultimately, my work in this area resulted in my being labeled ‘The First Lady Coach’ paving the way for more inclusive and empathetic conversations about mental health and well-being in high-pressure environments My findings have since prompted further studies and discussions about the well-being of those who stand beside public figures, highlighting the importance of acknowledging and addressing the often-unseen struggles they face.

Finally we have also emphasized the need for better support systems that acknowledges these unique challenges and provides resources to help manage the stress and maintain personal well-being. By recognizing and addressing First Lady Syndrome, we can now offer better support to women providing access to counseling, peer support groups, and educational programs tailored to the specific demands of their role.

Whew. That’s the first time I really acknowledged the work I’ve accomplished in this field. ?When I asked myself why I hadn’t shared my accomplishment it took some serious introspection to understand my own behaviors. By understanding these reasons, we can start to shift our perspective and give ourselves the credit we deserve.

?

Comparing Oneself to Others ?– The very fact that I named this phenomenon a syndrome, I suddenly found myself comparing myself to Drs. Clance and Imes the originators of the ?imposter syndrome. Their observations and research began when they focus on high-achieving women who, despite their academic and professional accomplishments, felt a persistent fear of being exposed as frauds. To me their work is extraordinary and unmatched because ‘imposter syndrome’ is recognized widely. ?

Having a background in research and being an author of only about five journal articles, when I compared myself to Drs Clance and Imes I obviously came up short. It could be because they have developed their own scale and have done numerous workshops, presentations and published in many psychological and medical journals. Looking at the business vitae of Dr. Pauline Clance, caused me to minimize the work I had done around ‘The First Lady Syndrome’. Even what I consider my most significant accomplishments such as my Chosen Pearls and Wife VIP Coaching Programs, best-selling Amazon e-book, Chosen for This, numerous blogs and keynote presentation at the National Christian Counselors Association (NCCA) annual conference feels so insignificant when I find myself comparing myself to others. ???

Imposter Syndrome ?- Along with comparing myself to others, it never fails that the imposter syndrome can rear its ugly head. Imposter syndrome can be a daunting challenge for any professional, particularly those in client-facing roles. Take a few moments and think about any self-doubt you have in your own abilities.?If you are dealing with imposter syndrome, check out my recent blog, When Imposter Syndrome Happens in the Life of a Coach or a Counselor to recognize signs you may be dealing with imposter syndrome.

Focus on Growth and Improvement – Being a high achiever we often set high standards for ourselves and focus on areas where we can improve. Being a forward thinker makes it so easy to overlook past successes as the emphasis is always on what’s next. I am guilty as charged when it comes to focusing on growth. However, it's important to pause and reflect on achievements as they are milestones that have shaped our journey and provided the foundation for future growth.

Celebrating past successes can reignite our motivation and remind us of our capabilities. By acknowledging these accomplishments, we not only honor our hard work but also build confidence to tackle new challenges. Remember, each step forward is built on the successes of the past, and taking the time to appreciate them can bring a sense of balance and fulfillment to our relentless pursuit of excellence.

External Validation: Externally, societal pressures and unrealistic standards set by media can make us feel inadequate. Unfortunately as humans there is a tendency to seek approval and recognition from others. When someone else acknowledges our achievements, it feels more validated. Conversely, we might undervalue our own contributions because they don't receive the same external recognition.

When we don’t have external validation it may cause us to question our expertise. But it's important to recognize that expertise comes in many forms. Each of us has unique insights and experiences that contribute to our knowledge and skills. By valuing our own efforts, we can build confidence and inspire others around us. Whether it's a small accomplishment or a significant milestone, every step forward is worth celebrating. Remember, even experts started as beginners. Embrace your journey, and give yourself the credit you deserve.

Conclusion

Why we fail to acknowledge own extraordinary abilities can often be traced back to a variety of factors, both internal and external. Recognizing this, I am reminded of the importance of self-appreciation. Embracing your unique contributions doesn't diminish the worth of others; instead, it cultivates a balanced perspective where both your efforts and those of your peers are honored. By doing so, we ?can foster a more supportive and inclusive environment that encourages growth for everyone, including yourself.

Remember, everyone has unique strengths and talents, and believing in our own potential is the first step toward realizing it. One way to demonstrate your expertise is by sharing your discoveries with others. Whether it's through writing articles, giving presentations, or engaging in discussions, communicating your findings can significantly enhance your credibility and influence. By explaining complex concepts in an accessible manner, you can help others understand and appreciate the nuances of your field.

Don’t recognize your own expertise? Check out my blog 10 Ways to Become a Respected Mental Health and Wellness Expert and recognize your unique talents and skills, personal experiences, professional experiences, innovative techniques and the extraordinary work you have already accomplished.

Go out and be extraordinary!

Blessings,

Dr. Janice R. Love