Why We Neglect Self-Development?

We all want to grow and live successful lives. No matter who we are and how we define success, this single common denominator connects us all. Despite that, many of us neglect the self-development that can help us get there.

So, why’s that?

In this piece, I’ll cover what personal development is, why it matters and what beliefs limiting our personal growth. ??

What is Personal Development?

The clue’s in the title. Anything that develops you as a person is personal development. Thought it includes everything from health and wellbeing to knowledge and skills, the important thing is that personal development is an outward journey begins within.

Yes, contradictory to common belief, personal development isn’t about an arbitrary collection of medals won, books read, courses completed, and so on. It isn’t a race. Far from.

The way I see it, personal development is about taking time to reflect and build deep self-awareness of who you are and what you seek before embarking on how. Although it could include everything from mental agility to personal resilience, it requires mindfulness to determine what you need and why.

"Personal development is an outward journey begins within."

Why it Matters?

Considering we all want to succeed; any intentional effort to learning and growth will help us give form to this success and bring it to life. And I’m not just talking about the large audacious goals. Even little joys become more meaningful when we know it’s a life we’ve chosen as opposed to one that we're sleep walking through.

Several people who approach me for coaching say they feel stuck, directionless and unfulfilled. Like well-cooked meals missing the salt, they feel they’re missing some ingredients and can’t spot what that is.

That's precisely why personal development matters. It anchors you. Not only does focussed work help us converge energy, regardless of outcomes, the journey becomes a joy!

"Even little joys become more meaningful when we know it’s a life we’ve chosen as opposed to one that we're sleep walking through."

Why Don’t We Work on It?

Despite this, many of us put in little or no effort towards our personal development and leave things to chance. Based on everything I’ve read, seen and sensed, here are the key reasons.

1. We’re trapped in the moment

It’s important to live in the now, yet we’re often so consumed in the fleeting moment, that we spare no time to think two steps ahead.

During happy times, investing on personal development appears unnecessary. I mean why bother reading a book when there’s a new film on Netflix? And even if we begin to sense a need to invest time on our development, we feel it can wait.

"During happy times, investing on personal development appears unnecessary."

2. We seek instant gratification

When parting with hard earned money, we look for value and interestingly, we associate value with physical tokens. For example, when making payments, there’s data to prove that we find it more difficult to part with cash in comparison to clicking approve on a screen. In the same way, we find it harder to pay for something that we can’t see, touch and feel, here and now.

For example, when we part with $2000 for a designer bag, or even a nose job, we're rewarded with instant gratification. There's an instant high, a feeling of confidence! By comparison, spending even $100 on a training course feels like a gamble because many of us can’t visualise what it’ll do for us.

Sometimes we don’t understand the resources available to us and their potential to change our lives, and at other times, we don’t have the patience.

?3. We feel we’re not worth it ?

I note in some cases that while people understand the value of self-work, they feel a sense of guilt working on themselves, or spending on themselves - as though their time for self-work is over.

For example, people who work full-time and spend weekends with their families often worry that if they were to take on new initiatives, such as learning photography or wanting to pursue further education, they could appear somewhat selfish. In some cases, parents who’d gladly spend on children’s development, feel guilty spending on their own development because they carry an inherent mindset that it’s now time to invest in the next generation.

"Some of us a sense of guilt working on ourselves or spending on ourselves."

4. Our ego gets in the way

In continuation with the above mindset, many of us still carry a three-stage belief. I.e., life must be lived in a way that we first learn, then earn and finally, retire.

The problem with thinking this way is that we feel ashamed to embark on new learning after we’ve started earning and ego gets in the way.

5. We don't want to be seen as boring

Here I'll tell you a story. One day, I was having lunch with a friend and asked her plans for the weekend. She replied, ‘I’m such a loser ya, I’ll just be studying.’

I suppose that says it all. We worry we’ll be perceived as losers and generally dull, geeky, boring people who don’t know how to chill!

6. We’re afraid of skeletons in the cupboard

Finally, the skeletons. Most people love stability and consistency in day-to-day life and enjoy the comfort zone, hence the name.

Yet, sometimes, this safe space begins to feel like a bubble, a trap. But even so, we’re so afraid of confrontation and upheaval, that we choose every day, to let it go - for one more day.

"But even so, we’re so afraid of confrontation and upheaval, that we choose every day, to let it go - for one more day."

Conclusion

Most of us recognise the need for self-development – especially in today’s rapidly changing world. However, for the various reasons listed above, very few of us do anything about it. As a result, many live unfulfilled lives wondering if they were meant to be somewhere else, with someone else, doing something else?

Many go to bed wondering what if? 'What if I found the courage?' 'What if I was consistent?' 'What if I tried?' 'What if I left?' 'What if I learnt?' 'What if I found the courage?'

"Many go to bed wondering what if? 'What if I found the courage?' 'What if I was consistent?' 'What if I tried?' 'What if I left?' 'What if I learnt?' 'What if I found the courage?' "

Taking a moment to understand our aspirations and identify blockers can help us to move towards a more fulfilling, purpose-driven and successful life. After all, as I said at the start, we all want to succeed!

The key thing to remember is that personal development isn't a one-off initiative but a daily practice. Any the good news is that done right, every step can be very rewarding. Drop me a line if you'd like to book time with me to discuss your own success. ?

I wish you success!

About Me:

I’m a senior leader in the financial services industry with over 25 years of corporate experience and have held substantial leadership roles in prestigious firms such as HSBC, Barclays and BSkyB. I’m also an accredited coach, a published author, global speaker, Udemy instructor and a marathon finisher. Click here to contact me for engagements.