Why We Need To Learn To Co-Exist

I have always loved Great White Sharks, ever since I was a kid. It started by watching Jaws and has turned into a life long fascination with these apex predators.

I honestly think they are beautiful and incredibly graceful. My dream is to swim with them, not in a cage but out in the open ocean. Am I mad? Maybe! Do I believe it is possible? Yes, absolutely. Let me explain why and why it is relevant for families and Family Court.

Firstly I want to say that I am very much aware of those teeth and the damage they can do. I am not delusional! I don't think..... I have read many, many books and reports about shark attacks and watched pretty much every documentary ever shown about them so I know they can and do kill.

I also know that lightening kills more people that sharks do. That is the important part of this perspective - reality and facts.

There is an amazing photographer on social media who uses drones to capture footage of sharks, particularly great white sharks, in Southern California. He shows that on an hourly basis, surfers, swimmers, paddle boards etc, share the space with these predators and he hasn't caught a single shark attack on camera. It shows co-existence happening, easily, without risk, every day.

Now shark attacks do happen and when they do they are devastating. They usually result in loss of limb or loss of life through blood loss. However, this isn't because sharks are hunting people, it is most often a case of mistaken identity and an exploratory bite. Unfortunately the combination of rows of serrated teeth in a sharks mouth and humans thin skin is catastrophic.

Lives are ruined and changed forever.

There are usually two main responses:

1. some get out in their boats and hunt down "the shark" to exact revenge and alleviate the risk
2. some acknowledge that the shark was just doing sharky things and isn't guilty of anything other than existing and they forgive the shark, knowing that the victim loved the ocean and therefore the creatures that live within in.

This is where I will draw my first comparison with families in Family Court. The system seems to support the first response. There are many attempts right now to remove the presumption of parental involvement to "alleviate the risk". This approach ignores the facts and reality of the majority of cases. It is a fear response and is about trying to control the environment.

I understand it, but do not agree with it. If I got bit by a shark it would take me time to go back in the water but the fact is most people who are bitten or witness a shark attack DO get back in the water relatively quickly because they choose to co-exist.

The first response is about domination and is ego based. It says "we should be allowed to swim/surf/paddle board without risk". It says "we own the ocean". It says "our needs are more important than anything else". This is how wars start.

I see that now in the Family Court arena, particularly around the issue of domestic abuse and parental alienation. It has become a gender war with one side believing their needs trump the needs of anything else - including the children.

Some factions want father's to be subjugated and forced to prove their innocence rather than being assumed innocent until proven guilty. This is the equivalent of wanting to kill all sharks because one MIGHT attack, even when the actual risk of an attack is nominal at best.

This route leads to the extinction of an essential part of our eco-system and will actually lead to untold damage to the whole planet, impacting humans far more than the odd random shark attack ever has.

Charles Murray wrote a paper in the 1980's about erasing father's and the damage it will do to society. He wrote that it would see an increase in:

• teenage pregnancy
• gang culture
• violent crime
• unemployment

He wasn't wrong! Erasing father's from children's lives is harmful not just to individual children but to society at a whole. Most men are harmless and essential.

The few who are dangerous should be dealt with as individuals and with compassion, not as an excuse to perform a mass cull.

Many emotionally and environmentally advanced cultures are working on initiatives to help prevent shark attacks, keeping humans and sharks safe and in the water. We share this planet, we don't own it.

Family Court should also be working on preventative methods which work to keep father's and children safe and together because they need each other.

This brings me back to my dream of swimming with great white sharks and why I believe it is possible because:

1. other's have done it
2. I myself am harmless to them, I respect them and do not want to dominate them in any way

To mirror this in Family Courts we would look at:

1. how other families and individuals have overcome issues
2. be aware of our own motivations and choose love over fear

Co-existence is essential for the long term health of humanity. Whether that be with sharks or with men. We need them and they need us. Don't let fear be the driver for destroying society and the planet.