Why we need the "belonging muscle".

???

Our lifespan has extended.

We live longer lives and in a better health - as compared to the living standards of the prior century. We have become virtually connected. 24/7. We can use technology to build connections across boundaries, across continents, across generations.

With those connections, we can live happier lives, nurtured by relations that nurture us, that foster our well-being. These long and happy lives are likely to be our experience - assuming that we do it right.

This is assuming that we don't fall into a trap of an illusionary bubble, when we eventually feel forced to test the quality of our relations. This testing happens by asking ourselves:

• Is this relationship still matter - to both parties?
• Do I feel seen and heard? Does my voice matter?
• Is my authenticity still welcomed and accepted, or hardly tolerated?
• Am I receiving anything in return of what I am giving in? (Yes, we know it is not a transaction, but we also know the "filling the bucket"** theory, right?).
• Do I feel like I am walking on shells?
• Have I ever felt like an overused or abandoned prey?

No one wants to feel the sense of belonging to a wrong tribe, to a tribe where our needs and values are not important or ignored. We want true connections. We want connections that matter to us.

***

Sometimes we are lucky to have such a connectedness found very early in our life. For others, it takes longer time.

Some of us thought they had found one, but now they are no longer so sure. They feel they are trapped in a bubble.

Quite a few of us are still searching - and are not sure if a true bonding connection can even be their experience, after all.

At certain point in our lives, we all eventually experience also the loss of a relationship.

These stairways of life become a test to the strength and resilience of our "belonging muscle".

Do we exercise this muscle effectively, or count on luck?

Do we know the A to Z qualities of the fitness of our belonging muscle? ***

Do we know how can we build connections that last - not because they have grown old and became comfortable, but because they stay relevant?

Do we proactively develop and sustain connections that are meaningful to us, that we feel heard and seen, that our uniqueness is not only tolerated but cherished and welcomed?

***

There is a saying that we bond with people because of our wounds - that they are similar or complementary. That same saying indicates that we break up those bonds - subconsciously or not - when these limitations become no longer valid, when the need to heal those wounds gets either met or becomes obsolete.

When I travelled to Bhutan, I learned that their Gross Happiness Index is evaluated by measuring the level of reliance on other community members, aka. the sense of belonging.

At that time, I was also told that the lead indicator of weakening happiness index is expressed by greater number of broken marriages, the loosened ties and weaker connections. The explanation presented was that it is due to the greater access to internet and increased opportunities for "searching for better alternatives".

Aren't we all exposed to a greater access to opportunities? 24/7. AI-enhanced.

And, are we the searching party or the abandoned one?

We know this feeling very well, when we conclude that our contribution to the relationship is not seen, not acknowledged, not valued. This is when we know that we cannot trust nor rely to have our basic needs met, when we sense that contributing more will lead to a loss of happiness, dissatisfaction, mental fatigue or even a burn-out.

This is the feeling when we outgrow our partner or a best friend - but not in an egocentric way - rather, in a loving-self way. This is the feeling when the relation it doesn't nurture us, when it doesn't serve our well-being, when it burns our energy down. This is the feeling when we hardly survive and no longer thrive.

Isn't it true also in a corporate life???

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Another test of our belonging muscle happens when we observe an aging parent, or we outlive our partner, our child or a close friend. Experiencing such a loss of a loved one can make our heart break.

Experiencing loneliness deteriorates our health.

Experiencing sickness in a solitude can make the healing process longer.

Not belonging and perceived loneliness is among the root causes of weaker immune resistance and a poorer recovery from illnesses.

Could that be the reason why loneliness is handled as health epidemics in some countries? (See: Japan or UK)

Yes. This is why we need flexibility in adopting multiple roles in our life.

We need a muscle that will give us power to exercise BELONGING. We need to acknowledge that the NEED TO BELONG is universal and we all deserve to have it met - not only once in a lifetime, but in every role, every life journey that we step in.

We are empowered to craft our social environment in a way that we feel safe to experiment new options, in a way that it nurtures us and provides the fuel for long-lasting growth.

For me, belonging muscle has the shape of infinity. It is a continuum.

We all deserve to have the need to belong met. At all times.

It shall never end.

#belongingmatters

#belongingworks

** Source: "How Full Is Your Bucket? Positive Strategies for Work and Life" - by Tom Rath and Donald O. Clifton

*** ?Aga Sieradzka “The Alphabet of Belonging”.

I am Aga Sieradzka: Coach for Belonging and Growth.

I am writing about why belonging matters - for the growth of individuals and organizations - and what are the “A to Z” elements that formulate an individual sense of belonging.

I am on the mission to normalize the language around belonging – especially when the situation we step in doesn’t serve us, when it doesn’t serve our purpose. When the internal voice whispers “I don’t think I belong here”, listen to it! - this is where the opportunities for growth are hidden.

***

Global Expertise and Service Offering:

?? Executive and Life Coaching: Experience Belonging and Growth

?? People & Culture (HR) Strategy Consulting: [email protected]

?? Book Author "The Alphabet of Belonging"?

?? Speaking Engagements: "Why belonging matters - at work”