Why We Have Two Ears And One Tongue!

Dear Life Amplifiers,

Two ears? One tongue?

Listening and paying attention have become tricky and complex challenges with all the noise around us, interferences, multiple tasks and responsibilities, and a constant flow of tough timelines which we’re chasing. Plus, we all have sooooooo much to say! It makes listening attentively to someone else speaking pretty difficult. Where have all the good listeners gone?

A good listener? Yeah, someone who doesn’t interrupt a person who’s speaking and is good at hearing them out. With sincerity and empathetic curiosity. A person who takes a "conversational" back seat and is comfortable with focusing on the speaker, while still actively and visibly engaged through their body language, facial expressions, and by paying close attention on what’s being said.

We have two ears and one tongue so that we would listen more and talk less. (Diogenes)

Listening skills - which are key requirement and characteristic of an outstanding leader and which are vital to our success in business and life - can be practiced and honed. Hurray!

So, what are those delicious ingredients of the secret sauce of good listeners?

They listen – Hear, hear! Well, they listen in such a manner as to holistically understand and put themselves into the shoes of their counterpart. They don’t listen to respond. They don’t interrupt, and they listen more than they speak. A good exercise is to approach a conversation without a set agenda; instead to apply an open mind and to be flexible. ?

They’re curious - By applying a “curiosity mindset” they intentionally challenge themselves to both ask questions and listen. That generates fresh perspectives and as one significant result, triggers even more curiosity which in a next step can morph into a flywheel of positive inquisitiveness.

They ask questions - One of the most effective steps in becoming a better listener is simply to ask more questions. Personally, I love to raise follow-up questions which signal to the conversation partner that I pay attention, would like to know more, and care. Also pretty powerful are, especially to open up discussions and meetings, open-ended questions, since they counteract a more single-minded "yes-or-no" mentality.

They are present - Good listeners are with you in the Here and Now. With their attention fully focused outward towards you. They avoid distractions, maintain eye contact, and demonstrate engagement and focus with their complete body language. At your next conversation or meeting make sure to switch off your phone and laptop. That’s an easy and impactful starting point.

They paraphrase – A favorite technique of good listeners is to provide a summary of what they’ve just heard. This isn’t a word-for-word repetition, but rather a clarifying summary of the speaker’s main points. I’ve been picking this up from a former colleague who’s incredible gifted at doing it in a very natural and easy-going way. ??

They don’t judge – A non-judgmental listener accepts other perspectives and opinions and displays a high degree of empathy by trying to see the world through the eyes of the speaker. This creates an environment where the person feels safe and comfortable to speak openly.

They’re respectful – They perceive the act of active listening not as a technique, but as a way of conduct to show sincere respect and appreciation to the one who speaks.

What do you think excellent listeners do differently? Are there any poignant techniques and approaches you’re utilizing when listening?

If you'd like to find out more about how to become a better listener and leader, please feel free to reach out or visit https://andreasvonderheydt.com.

I’m looking very much forward to hearing and learning from you.

Keep rockin’ and enjoying life!

Andreas

Interested in Building A Coaching Culture? You might enjoy my latest book:

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