Why we get stuck with toxic bosses: A model to stay sane

What’s up fam!

I have been around. Just not here. I have been writing a lot. Just not here. Cosmic Poetry. I have birthed a new series called Becoming Spiritual. It’s raw. And it’s divine. I am not yet sure what this collection will become. Beyond Epic that is. I complete the challenge in a week or two. Then we will see.

In the meanwhile, you can listen to my new audio course on Values & Career Alignment on scribd

How are you stretching your creative muscles in 2023?

“A creative life is an amplified life. It's a bigger life, a happier life, an expanded life, and a hell of a lot more interesting life” - Elizabeth Gilbert

Of course I continue to float around breathing, eating, basking in the world of impact, leadership, management and the intersection of humans and organizational madness. I know. I know. Every time I come across a dramatic toxic workplace story. I am impressed. So much brilliance, energy, and time goes into this shit fam. Drives me nuts. Especially when it's in impact driven organizations. If only we could channel this for something good. You know like our mission statements state.

There are many reasons we get stuck in toxic, unhealthy spaces. Be it organizations, teams, businesses etc. Financial safety is key. So we deprioritize our serenity.

However, I strongly believe lack of awareness in clearly identifying toxic behaviors in ourselves and in our environments tops everything else. Truth be told, I have lost count of the number of times I have been in conversations where toxicity has been bluntly justified. In the mask of trying to make sense of it.

According to Dr. Karpman, (the inventor of the Karpam Drama Triangle illustrated below), when one finds themselves stuck in the drama of dysfunctional relationships, one is probably playing one of the three roles. The persecutor, the victim, or the rescuer. This is self-defeating. Change is elusive.

For example, let’s say one has a toxic boss or team. Their reptile brain responds to keep them safe by acting in the following ways.

1. The Persecutor will respond aggressively, pass ill judgements on their boss or team members, demand to be treated better (which often goes to deaf ears), or develop spite/hate for the organization team.
2. The Rescuer will go the extra extra mile. Try to please the boss and team so their efforts can be appreciated. Or sacrifice their health, time, energy, boundaries, peace of mind. Or all of them together.
3. A Victim will act helpless. Play unable to initiate change, whine and complain endlessly with the team or friends, blame everyone else especially the boss for current situation.

This triangle plays out the other way too. That is a toxic boss can adopt any or dance through the 3 roles in interacting with their teams.

As I always preach. Change begins with you. And secondly, being sober enough to understand what is within your control to influence is an elixir in succeeding at work.

So what do you do when you recognize you are reacting to an inhuman workplace or boss in the roles of persecutor, rescuer, or victim? Breath friend. Breath. Don't lift a finger. You are now aware. Safeguard your sanity. Be a Taoist. Embody the Art Nothing. Adopt the Buddhist approach. Awareness is Everything.

?“Awareness is like the sun. When it shines on things, they are transformed.”―?Thich Nhat Hanh

You will find tomorrow as you sip your morning sanity coffee, or a few breathes later, or next week, you have more capacity to use your creative brilliance to address the situation objectively and compassionately. Without causing yourself or others anymore harm. Because yes, you don’t want to be part of the problem right?

And yes, don't forget to listen to my new audio course on Values & Career Alignment on scribd. If you are not subscribed on Scribd, worry not, the first 30 days are free!

Happy Wednesday!

Luna?