Why We Don't Like Certain Voices

It's rare, but it happens.? ?Occasionally I hear a voice which really grates on me.? This is notable, because I find most voices of interest, rather than irritating.? There are very few voices I don't like.??It's essential that?my attitude as a voice coach be?one of curiosity and?support.

Having said this, here's my confession about a voice I didn't like:

I was in a class setting and the presenter had a voice that was really hard to listen to.? As I sat there?I investigated, "What is this voice doing that is so uncomfortable?"?

• This voice has an unusually?nasal placement?but there are many accents that tend to the?nasal and these accents don't grate on my ears - I usually just find them interesting
• Her pace is fast and there is something unrelenting about the delivery

Technically, this is all I could come up with.? Going deeper, I thought about what the voice seemed to be saying - what sub-communication was I receiving, rightly or wrongly?

(It's important to note that this person presents and speaks all the time and is in a position of authority).

The voice seemed to be saying:

• I am closed
• I am delivering my valuable?knowledge to you and you better keep up
• I am not open to ideas other than my own
• I have set opinions and ways of seeing the world

What I heard in the voice made me feel disconnected from the speaker.? ?Are the things I?heard?in the voice?true about the speaker?? I don't know.??

The way that we speak is a?response to our environment and?life experience, and can also reflect our attitudes.??I've encountered clients whose vocal patterns were learned from a parent and don't reflect their personality at all.

This particular speaking style may have developed as a way to get through the stresses of presenting. This voice is expressing?something, even if it's only?a small part of the picture, or creating a false picture.??This is true for?all of us. The habits around this voice may have become this person's norm, yet this kind of?voice -?a closed voice - registers as inauthentic.? Here's a possible reason why we hear it this way:

To make strongly nasal sounds, we close off the mouth, using lip tension and?tongue placement.? In this position,?the resonators that tie in with emotion -?the?face, the skull and the chest -??are disengaged.??The?resonator being used exclusively is the nasal resonator:?expressive of attitude rather than feeling.

When we are severely limited in our expression, this can come across as hiding or withholding.

What voices do you like and what voices don't you like?? Think about this as you go through the week.? Start unpacking why.???

Sometimes we don't like a voice or accent because of a stereotype we're holding, our associations with certain sounds.? This can relate to prejudices of class, race, culture, etc.?

Does the voice have habits of?tension or monotony?? Or are we viewing the voice through the lens of prejudice?

It's not the voice that's at fault but the habits. Any time we rely on only a few aspects of our vocal apparatus, we limit our full self expression. Opening the voice leads to expressing more facets of who we are in an empowered way.? When we can do this in front on an audience, we are better received. People connect with us more deeply and we feel more connected to our audiences.

Did you know that well modulated, "beautiful" voices can be equally inauthentic and even misleading?? My next newsletter will discuss the problem of "the voice beautiful"!

Until then, I'd love to hear your comments on this touchy subject!