Why We Can’t Be Different Without Discussing Our Differences in the Workplace and Careers

Uncomfortable talking about “race?” Are you looking for a more comfortable way to discuss it without it costing you time or money? Or does it cost you too much emotion?

The University of South Florida was not the melting pot of people I was hoping for, but I did have friends of many races and backgrounds. I often wondered why more people weren’t more like me. I got along with people from all backgrounds, but not necessarily with every person.

I was OK with that. 

The truth is we are so different in the way we communicate and how we deliver our messages. It’s similar to speaking in tongues. No matter the language, we hear it in our language. Not what is said, but the way it’s told.

Hector and Juan were two of my best friends, and I respected them a great deal. We ate, attended church, and studied together frequently. For one spring break, they invited me to stay a few days at each of their parents’ house in Miami. Our friend Kevin joined us.

Hector and Juan were Cuban-Americans who also were very fluent in Spanish. Duh? They often tried to help Kevin, who was a Spanish major. Funny how our connections ran deep: Kevin and I went to the same high school, and I graduated in the same class as his sister. Throughout this time, Hector and Juan would try to speak with Kevin in Spanish, until his American accent got in the way.

The four of us drove on Sunday from Tampa to Miami.

It was a six-hour drive and a lot of fun. Of course, much of the conversation was about Hector and Juan teaching and encouraging Kevin with his Spanish. Much of it was as amusing as teaching a baby how to walk. His stumbles were hilarious and well-intentioned. For the most part, Kevin was doing well.

Listening to all of this, some of Kevin’s Americanized Spanish pronunciations sounded familiar in English.

As I listened, my mind started playing tricks on me. At one point, Kevin fumbled over this one phrase in Spanish.

“Frijoles Negros!”  

Huh?

“Free-holy Nagros!” I struggled with this phrase because they were all laughing, and I didn’t think it was funny at the time. Kevin’s interpretation was as discerning as a United Nations diplomat. He wanted to get this right.

“Fre-holla Negrows!” After the tenth time going back and forth with a double tag team between Kevin vs. Juan and Hector, it began to bother me and I was feeling uncomfortable. I thought for a few minutes about how I would address my concern. I finally decided to confront my hunch!

“Are you guys saying, FREE-ALL-THE-NEGROS?”

All three burst into the biggest belly laugh ever.

They explained it meant black beans. Even a minister the three of us know, who heard what happened, has it as part of his staple jokes all of these years. 

Now had I not prefaced this story of who I am, you would have judged me much differently. And that’s OK, but it is a perfect segue to share my point in all of this. All of our backgrounds taint what we see and hear, or are a basis for a great conversation on inclusion. In some way, we have all heard “Frijoles Negros” differently in our language, cultural traditions, or working knowledge of each other.

Some of us don’t ask what “Frijoles Negros” means.

We assume that like-minded, or those of us who look alike, are not saying something derogatory. There was no logic in my interpretation, and probably would be none in yours if you were confronted with the same thing.

I also had given them the benefit of the doubt because of my friendship with each. I struggled with confusiion, a little dismay, but not anger. Many of us reverse-engineer this story with a different outcome. But my struggle wouldn’t be one that has a story behind it:

? I came to Tampa, Florida, in 1973 in the middle of desegregation.

? White kids didn’t take to me well because I was one of two or three black kids in a class that was primarily white.

? Black kids thought I talked funny and were surprised I lived in their neighborhood.

? I didn’t have any friends in seventh grade because I was confused about all of the separatism.

Years later in college, I heard FREE-ALL-THE-NEGROES instead of “Frijoles Negros.”

If we’re honest, it’s like the speaking-in-tongues effect. We think it’s strange for two people to have a conversation in a language we don’t understand. We react without much thought, empathy, and even sometimes without sympathy.

This is why the talk about race is so needed in our workplace, home, neighborhood, television, radio, and yes, the Internet.

Our words and actions are misconstrued if we are not comfortable asking, “Did you say...?” Sometimes on purpose, sometimes accidentally, but in all cases, the wall remains, and so do these invisible chains mistaken as freedom. Mistaken as many other negative stereotypes none of us deserve.

Well, it was a great spring vacation. Of course, Hector and Juan shared the story with their parents, and we all had a great laugh. The whole week was great. We had steak the entire week. I ate everything all week. All of us did.

It doesn't matter if each of us speak different languages or dialects. It matters more when we eat and like the same food.

 ABOUT ME:

I am a career consultant and founder of the award-winning blog and podcast, The Voice of Job Seekers. I also speak and write about diversity and inclusion.