Why We Blame

There are three unique roles that frequently emerge in any drama, whether it plays out in our personal lives or in the professional world - the victim, the hero, and the villain. Understanding these positions can help us understand our own behaviors and pave the road for more aware and successful leadership.

The Victim

The victim is someone who feels helpless, oppressed, and at the mercy of outside forces. Life appears to be unfolding without their control, and they frequently find themselves overwhelmed by situations such as inclement weather, demanding bosses, misbehaving children, traffic jams, or even worldwide pandemics. Individuals in this role may feel powerless, leading to irritation and worry.

Villain

Enter the villain, the person responsible for the victim's condition. Blame can be directed within, against oneself, or outward, at persons or groups. When fear takes over, this role emerges as a defensive mechanism. Even when things don't go as planned, blaming helps maintain a sense of identity and ego. It's a common human response to anxiety, and it reinforces the victim-villain dynamic.

The Hero

Finally, there is the hero, who is frequently shown swooping into the drama with quick fixes and shallow remedies. These solutions may provide momentary respite, but they rarely address the underlying roots of the problems at hand. It's the same as handing someone a fish instead of teaching them how to fish. Heroes may also be individuals who avoid face the challenges of the day by engaging in meaningless pursuits or using social media.

Toxic Fear

Toxic fear is at the center of this story. When our expectations are not met, fear sets in, typically disguised by wrath. We intuitively seek someone or something to blame in order to maintain our sense of self. This is a regular pattern: things go wrong, fear emerges, blame follows, and the roles of victim, villain, and hero get cemented.

The Dynamic of Relationships

Victims see themselves as passive consumers of life's events, and they frequently express their dissatisfaction in subtle or overt ways. Villains, on the other hand, look for flaws and assign blame. Heroes strive to avoid confrontation and discomfort, accepting more than their fair share of responsibility but frequently failing to address the fundamental issues.

Taking a Stand for Conscious Leadership

Leadership should be about more than just keeping these positions. Inadvertently, many organizations promote hero conduct as a symbol of dedication, but in reality, it can lead to fatigue and establish a culture in which others assume less responsibility.

True leadership entails escaping the drama triangle. It entails becoming aware of our default roles and choosing more constructive answers to problems proactively. It entails facing fear and accepting vulnerability as a method of progress.

Leaders who lead intentionally inspire their people to accept responsibility for their actions, establishing an environment of accountability and innovation. They foster personal and social progress by encouraging open conversation and addressing issues at their origin.

We may become more effective leaders and build healthier, more productive work environments by recognizing the drama triangle and intentionally deciding to break away from it. True leadership inspires everyone engaged to rise beyond fear, blame, and shame and collaborate to achieve our common goals.