Why Wait? Start the Aging Conversation Now

As the new year begins and the holidays fade into memory, I had planned to write about the importance of adult children having those “difficult” conversations with their aging parents. It’s a great time to focus on getting things in order—knowing about medications, doctors, the location of wills and advance directives, and understanding wishes for end-of-life care. These are crucial conversations to have before a crisis hits, and once you break the ice, they become easier over time.

But then, a thought struck me: Why do we label these conversations as “difficult” in the first place? Shouldn’t they be part of the natural rhythm of caring for and supporting one another?

And here’s another perspective: Why wait for the adult children to initiate these talks? As parents, shouldn’t we take the lead? By starting these conversations now, we can make them less daunting and more empowering for everyone involved.

If we’re proactive, we can turn these discussions into opportunities to share, plan, and connect, rather than something that feels heavy or painful. And for those who don’t have children, the same principle applies—these conversations are just as vital with a trusted friend, relative, or decision-maker.

Let’s make 2025 the year we stop putting off these important talks and start approaching them with openness and intention.

This doesn’t have to be overwhelming—it’s a slow and steady process with incremental progress. My suggestion? Start with the “easy” button and build from there.

Step 1: Share Your Medication and Doctor Information

The first step is creating a list of your medications and doctor information. I recommend using a Google Sheet—it’s easy to update and share, so it’s always current. Here’s a suggested template to get you started. Of course, you can use whatever method or app that works best for you.

(By the way, I don’t want to be a hypocrite—so I stopped everything just now and created my own Med-Doc spreadsheet for me and my husband, and I’ve already sent it to our kids. ??)

When you send your list, explain why you’re doing it and lay the groundwork for future conversations. Here are a few examples of what you could say:

• Hi, I’m sharing my medication list with you so you have it if it’s ever needed. I’ve been thinking it’s a good idea for us to talk about a few other things, like my healthcare preferences and where I keep important documents. Let’s plan a time soon to chat—this is about planning ahead together, not anything to worry about.
• Hi, I’ve been organizing some of my things and thought it would be helpful to share my medication list with you. It’s a good starting point for some conversations I’d like us to have—nothing urgent, but important to do while everything is calm. Let me know when you’d have time to talk.
• Hey, I’m sending you my med list—don’t worry, it’s not a novel yet! ?? On a serious note, I think it’s a good time to start having some conversations about things like my healthcare wishes and where I keep important stuff. Let’s chat soon—it’s all about making life easier for you later!
• Hey, I’m sending you my medication list—it’s just good to have on hand. While it’s not urgent, I’d also like to have a conversation soon about some other things, like my wishes for care and where I keep important paperwork. The goal is to make things easier for all of us down the road.

Step 2: Organize and Share Advance Directive Documents

If you don’t already have a will, medical and durable power of attorney forms, or other advance directives, make an appointment with a lawyer to get these done as soon as possible.

If you do have these documents, the next step is ensuring they’re accessible when needed. Your power of attorney (POA) and any other trusted individuals should know where these documents are kept and how to access them in case of an emergency.

Step 3: Discuss Your Wishes for End-of-Life Care

This can feel like the hardest part, but it’s also the most meaningful. End-of-life care isn’t about funeral arrangements or what happens after we pass away—it’s about how we want to live during our final days.

Consider questions like:

• How do I want to live at the end of my life?
• What matters most to me at the end of my life?

Having these conversations now, when things are calm, is a true gift to your loved ones. To help get started, I recommend using The Conversation Project’s Conversation Starter Guide. At a minimum, fill out the guide and share it with your loved ones to read. Then, schedule a time to discuss it together.

Remember, this is a dialogue, not a monologue. It can even be helpful to share the guide with your loved ones so you can discuss each other’s wishes.

By taking these steps, you’re not just organizing your affairs—you’re creating peace of mind and building stronger connections with the people who matter most.

If you’d like more guidance on how to approach these conversations, or if you want to learn more about Conversation Ready NTX, feel free to reach out to me. I’d love to help you get started on this important journey.