Why?

One day, all of a sudden, I read a famous interviewer Larry King's book about how to actually do an interview. And now there will be a spoiler because I will say the most important and mega-cool thought of the whole book:

It is necessary to ask "Why?"

Larry King used to say something like, "You'd be surprised how much you can learn by asking a simple why". I read the book a long time ago, so since then I have had enough time to reflect on this observation. And I declare responsibly: it is true.

A simple "why" in conversation looks like a prosecutor's son at a bodybuilding championship. It is very striking. People never use a simple "why". After hearing an interesting thought or feeling, we either immediately rush to express our opinion or ask a clarifying question. We used to think that clarifying questions are nice and polite because they demonstrate our attention to the interlocutor.

But the clarifying question first of all attracts attention to ourselves. That's happening because different people specify completely different things. The clarifying question leads the conversation in a direction that is closer to the clarifying one.

"I work as a massage therapist."

"And how long does the session last?"

There is nothing wrong with taking the conversation in a direction close to yourself. We are not taking interviews every time, but talking, exchanging information and characters. But if you are genuinely interested in the interlocutor, if you are interested in getting to know him, then ask undimmed by your hobbies, opinions and stereotypes "why".

"I work as a massage therapist."

"Why?"

"My father had back problems, and I wanted to help him."

Any conversation from the outside seems like a game of checkers: we take turns. When the interlocutor falls silent, we feel that our turn has come. However, sometimes it’s necessary to let the interlocutor turn twice in a row. And see where it leads.

And in such cases, it helps a lot to ask "why". But there is no need to ask now, now I'm done.