Why There's No Room for Women's Emotions in the Workplace

Would women be more successful if they learned to use logic instead of being emotional?

This week I had an interesting conversation with a very lovely and enthusiastic business coach. He’s convinced that the time for women to rise is here. They’re well on their way to conquering the corporate world. Nothing could stop them from outshining men if they’d only learn to use logical thinking instead of being emotional.

Of course, I had an emotional reaction to this. Mostly frustration, but having heard this unfounded prejudice too often, I didn’t react emotionally.

Instead, I asked him why he believed the world would benefit from women becoming more like men? What value is there in bringing more sameness into a world that, even for many men, feels rigid and restrictive? A world that is not inclusive of people who don’t conform to a preconceived notion of what success looks like?

Haven’t we reached a point in our history where we’re looking for new ways to address the problems men have created with what they call logical thinking? We need new methods and solutions, and they’ll not be found by women doing exactly what men have been doing for centuries.

True, by adapting to male behavior patterns, women will rise more quickly to the top. But this is a stale victory, isn’t it? Leaving us all stuck in the same place, in a world that for many of us has become unlivable.?

Part of the great resignation is undoubtedly a reaction of people no longer wanting to be part of a world that leaves no room for their whole personality.

Are our emotions and logical thinking opposites?

For some reason, everyone seems to have bought into the flawed concept that emotions and logic are at two different ends of the spectrum. But is that true?

Can you use either only your “brain” or only your “heart”?

As a society, we seem to be convinced that women tend to use the latter too much, while men successfully employ their brains unencumbered by pesky emotions. And from this, we conclude that women are less suited to bear responsibility and make critical decisions until they’ve learned to suppress their feelings.

Many women have adopted this false concept without question. They try to hide their feelings, hoping this will earn them a seat at the big boys’ table.

And it’s understandable why they’d feel the need to do this.

As a woman, you’ve surely been told more than once that your feelings are too much and cloud your thinking. It’s happened to all of us at some point.

When things get heated, there’s always a man around to tell you that you’re too emotional, or worst case, that you’re being hysterical. And of course, you must calm down.

Why do angry emotions dominate the workplace?

Working in a male environment for over 25 years, I’m convinced that it’s not emotions that are the problem. It’s predominantly the kind of emotions women display that men are uncomfortable with. The kind of emotions that men have learned to suppress because they make them feel weak and out of control.

Despite their protestations that emotions have no place in the workplace, men show a lot of emotions in the workplace all the time. Strong emotions.

If you look closely, you’ll find that the acceptable emotions are predominantly at the negative end of the spectrum. The emotions you’ll encounter are anger, aggression, ridicule, frustration, cynicism or schadenfreude.

Like their female counterparts, men also feel fear, worry, anxiety or doubt. They feel offended, hurt, frustrated, or sad. But they cannot express these feelings if they don’t want to be perceived as weak.

Since they can’t express these feelings in their original form, they find another way to let them out. A way that’s associated with masculinity and is somehow not considered too emotional.

I’m sure you’ve all worked with managers who were feared for their quick temper.?

I’ve seen many men in positions of power who’ve displayed uncontrolled anger. Who’ve flown into a screaming rage for no apparent reason.

Bosses will aggressively berate their subordinates and belittle them in front of their colleagues for minor offenses. Surprisingly no one calls them hysterical. Instead, the woman who bursts into tears over this inexcusable treatment is called too emotional or told she needs to grow a thicker skin to succeed.

For some reason, we’ve come to accept that anger, aggression, or rage aren’t emotions that interfere with our ability to think logically. Our society mistakenly associates these emotions with power and strength.

In truth, they’re the most dangerous and violent emotions one can have. And they don’t allow for sound decision-making.

I understand why men limit themselves to these emotions instead of normalizing a broader range of expression.

In a world where boys are taught that it’s weak to feel fear, sadness, or pain, and men believe that you can’t show weakness if you want to be successful, they’re stuck in a strange, unnatural limbo.

The modern corporate environment has become a brutal, cutthroat, cold place.

It’s easy to feel overwhelmed by responsibility or fearful of failure. The consequences of a misstep or a wrong decision can be catastrophic.

Contrary to what we’re led to believe, men suffer from Imposter Syndrome too. They’re just better at hiding it.

Men who want to succeed in the corporate world don’t have many paths open to them. If they’re good enough at suppressing their weaker side and channeling their feelings into the accepted angry masculine emotions, they have a chance to move up in the ranks.

Lack of emotions creates a toxic workplace

In this artificial environment, it’s advantageous to have no feelings at all.

I suspect that we see so many sociopaths in leadership positions because their feelings don’t hamper them. They don’t suffer from the doubts or worries that slow down ordinary people. An environment that rewards people for not having emotions is tailor-made for the wrong people to rise to the top.

Those who don’t make it to the top often fall back on emotions like frustration and cynicism. Much of the workforce comprises traumatized men who’ve failed despite trying very hard to play by the rules.

Ironically, they respond to any attempt at improvement or change with derision. They’re the first to mock anyone who shows even the slightest human weakness.

In their frustration and disappointment, they seek to erase any expression of individuality and sabotage any attempts to deviate from what they believe is the agreed-upon norm. Their voluntary self-restraint ensures that no one dares to display a weakness that they can attack.

Women never had a problem with logical?thinking

History shows that women’s logic was never flawed or limited because of their emotional world. Many of the great inventions our modern technology relies on were developed by women. Think of Hedy Lamarr or Ada Lovelace.

Almost 200 years ago, the first person to be what we would now call a coder was, in fact, a woman: Lady Ada Lovelace . As a young mathematician in England in 1833, she met Charles Babbage , an inventor who was struggling to design what he called the Analytical Engine, which would be made of metal gears and able to execute if/then commands and store information in memory. Enthralled, Lovelace grasped the enormous potential of a device like this. A computer that could modify its own instructions and memory could be far more than a rote calculator, she realized. To prove it, Lovelace wrote what is often regarded as the first computer program in history, an algorithm with which the Analytical Engine would calculate the Bernoulli sequence of numbers.

Men’s perception of women’s intellectual abilities has always changed depending on what was opportune at a particular time. Women have always shone and thrived in fields that require rigorous logical thinking. Looking back to the 1950s, before the PC turned the IT world into a bro culture, women made up a large percentage of software developers.

The capacity of most computers at the time was quite limited; the IBM 704 could handle only about 4,000 “words” of code in its memory. A good programmer was concise and elegant and never wasted a word. They were poets of bits. “It was like working logic puzzles — big, complicated logic puzzles,” Wilkes says. “I still have a very picky, precise mind, to a fault. I notice pictures that are crooked on the wall.” What sort of person possesses that kind of mentality? Back then, it was assumed to be women.

One reason we’re now having such a hard time encouraging women to return to engineering is that we’ve told girls and women over and over again that they have problems with logic. Because they aren’t in control of their emotions.

We need to reclaim?emotions

Thanks to the same societal prejudice that has emotionally crippled many men, women are much more in touch with their feelings.?

As a result, having feelings doesn’t scare them and doesn’t make them feel out of control.

Emotions are not a limitation. They are a part of human expression. They’re not detrimental to carrying responsibility and leading teams. Studies have shown time and time again that women are better leaders than men.

… women were rated as excelling in taking initiative, acting with resilience, practicing self-development, driving for results, and displaying high integrity and honesty. In fact, they were thought to be more effective in 84% of the competencies that we most frequently measure.

It is time to publicly reclaim our emotions. Let’s support leaders — male and female — that are fully in touch with their emotions. People who’re capable of admitting that they’re not in control every single moment of the day.?

Emotions enhance and support our thinking and allow for a more holistic approach to decision-making.

Let’s stop pretending that the workplace is an artificial environment where emotionless figures take lofty decisions based on logic to create the best outcome. It’s not.

It’s a space where humans interact and work together. Humans will always have emotions. There is no such thing as an emotionless human.

Allowing only a small subset of mainly negative emotions to be expressed limits our ability to be successful and whole.

Diversity and the rise of a new corporate world

I could list hundreds of examples of how women have consistently demonstrated the ability to think logically, but I’m sure it’s not the lack of examples that keeps this prejudice alive.

There’s also a clear financial advantage to keeping emotions out of the workplace.

If a few percent more revenue in an already successful company justifies laying off hundreds of employees, we don’t want emotions like compassion, kindness, empathy or decency to muddy the waters.

In recent years, there’s been a strong push for more diversity in the workplace. It’s been proven that more diversity leads to more innovation and, therefore, more revenue. Companies haven’t just embarked on this journey out of the goodness of their hearts.

The workforce is changing, more and more women and people from underrepresented groups are getting a seat at the table.

This new diversity breaks down encrusted structures and brings new ways of thinking into the workplace.

When we give these diverse talents more opportunities to flourish in the corporate world, we also give men more opportunities to thrive. This involves them conforming less to the “masculine ideal” and expressing a broader range of human emotions.

The world of work won’t change overnight, but in recent years I’ve seen the rise of new leaders. New values like empathy, compassion and understanding are becoming more critical. This process will take time, but it will continue.

I believe we also have Gen Z to thank for no longer putting up with the toxic atmosphere we’ve all become accustomed to. They insist on being treated with respect for no other reason than that they have a right to it as human beings. We all have. They don’t buy into the notion that they have to “earn” that respect first by bending over backward.

Their values put the environment and people before money and profit. In this, the values of women and Gen Z align in many ways.

Final Thoughts

To be very clear, there’s absolutely nothing wrong with women’s ability to think logically. What we add to the mix is a more balanced spectrum of human emotions.

Emotions enhance and support decision-making, especially when you’re in touch with the full spectrum of your emotional reactions.?Only extreme emotions like blind rage or paralyzing fear prevent a person from making good decisions.

Fear, doubt, or confusion aren’t weaknesses. They’re markers and warnings that we need to pay attention to a possible threat. Guilt and shame will keep us from making unethical decisions harmful to others.?

Compassion allows us to value human needs over immediate profit, and empathy will enable us to walk a mile in another person’s shoes before deciding what is best for them.

These emotions are part of an appropriate response to a complex and stressful situation.

If you’re allowed to make a far-reaching decision that impacts others, it is important that you understand which aspects of the situation trigger specific emotions in you — rather than pushing forward aggressively with bravado.

Many bad business decisions are made by men trying to appear strong and confident.

I believe there’s a reason why corporate longevity has dropped from 32 years in 1965 to 22 years today . Too many companies are run by men who’re too afraid to admit they’ve no idea what they’re doing. They can’t show fear or doubt, so they’re forced to charge ahead over a cliff blindly. All the while angrily pushing their employees to follow them without question.

Executives cling to money and numbers as benchmarks run companies. Money and numbers can be quantified; emotions can’t. But you have to make emotional decisions for people and society to benefit and grow.?

Taking the emotional decision over the financial one may not immediately benefit the bottom line, but it pays off later. There’s a reason why teams led by women are more successful. They allow for more growth and individual risk-taking, leading to better outcomes.

It’s time to acknowledge that we need much more emotion in the workplace and that we need more women leading with emotion and logic.