‘Why Telling Powerful Stories Connects Us All’ – By Allen Martin – Business Consultant, Sales / Development Trainer, Executive Coach and Author

Tuesday, April 10th 2018

My story starts as far back as I can remember as a very happy and shy little boy. I was always so excited as it was my bedtime, and whereas most children avoided wanting to go to bed, it was always something I looked forward to. My darling late Father would tuck me in and it was time for my magical bedtime story and song.

My Father only ever spoke to me in French as I was lucky enough to be brought up bilingual; ‘Au clair de la lune’ my Father would sing to me... a song about the ‘light of the moon’ would always precede the story. I still know every word of this song today - it had a powerful bonding tune and story.

My Father would then ask me to pick a country from the huge map of the world on my bedroom wall and then he would take me on a wonderful journey to that country.

I remember so many of the stories so vividly as if they were told to me yesterday – those colours – those smells – those feelings. They were filled with empathy. They were filled with emotion. They were filled with love.

Yes, it was the powerful and vivid words he used, and it was also so much more than that.

We went on nightly journeys together, we went on magic carpets, we met genies, we went to the pyramids, we smiled, we laughed, we explored, and we bonded and then he kissed me goodnight and I could not wait till the following night for my next adventure.

Without me even realising it my Father was giving me my first ‘storytelling lessons’.

Every story my Father told me had a simple structure, it had an open, a middle and a close, it would set the scene beautifully, every story would take me on an incredible journey, it would hook me in, it would build my excitement, it would paint a vivid picture, it would make me use my imagination, it would create a plethora of emotions, it would make me feel important and it would always leave me wanting more – a whole lot more!

And then as I grew up and became more aware I realised that even the simplest fairy stories we learned as children contained all these wonderful learnings. ’Once upon a time, in a land far far away, lived a beautiful maiden who lived in a castle deep in the woods, she had a secret flying carpet and she would fly to places and rescue people in need ……… ……….and they all lived happily ever after.

Simplicity. Painting pictures. Creating emotion. Structure. Taking us on a journey. An open – a middle and a close…..easy !

Why do you think YOU REMEMBER the small details of even a meal that you ate on your last summer holiday in a cherished location when you cannot remember what you ate last week when you got home from work?

Why is it that you still remember the emotion and feelings when you went out with your friends for a special occasion 2 years ago when you cannot remember the details of a work meeting 2 weeks ago?

Powerful Stories create Powerful memories in our minds.

They create empathy. They create deep feelings. They create emotion. Stories are our essence. Stories are who we are. Stories are a large part of our 'self '. Stories allow us to share personal experiences in a safe and non-confrontational way.

Stories are truly incredibly powerful and link and connect all of us in so many ways.

The more stories you can tell, pictures you can paint, use your imagination it will have an amazing effect on your life.

You will notice now on reflection that all the people you are closest to in your life you tell each other the best stories. Funny that. You can sit down with them for hours and tell story after story and it comes so naturally – it is a beautiful experience.

You are both ‘in flow’ – the time truly flies, and you look at your watch and you wonder where the time has gone? You have been immersed in each other’s lives. You have been truly as one. You have been ‘dancing in the moment together’.

Telling stories releases some powerful chemicals in our brains that bond us and link us as one;

‘Oxytoxin- the trust chemical’ is known to promote social behaviour, bonding and the ability to form normal social attachments and dopamine, serotonin and endorphins – the so called ‘ happy chemicals’ are released when we tell stories. We can feel these ‘bursts of happiness’ within us when someone tells us a story we love, and we can relate to and that stimulates the remembrance for us of a happy memory usually filled with emotion and feelings. Like all ‘happy chemical bursts’ these last a short time and for many people what they live for.

When we tell someone a story the brain is an incredibly powerful tool. We deeply as humans want to link and bond with others and when someone is telling us about an experience they are having, we search in our brains for something similar from our ‘memory bank of experiences’.

Why are we searching for our own experiences? What does this give to us as social animals?

It allows us to bond, it allows us to link and it allows us to gain trust. It allows us to feel a part of something special.

Everyone loves speaking about themselves and telling their own stories and if you are a willing listener, with empathy, you will have a friend for life. Really you will !

You have heard the phrase ‘sell the sizzle, not the sausage’. The sizzle is the story, the emotion, the feeling – the sausage is the facts and the numbers. Creating rapport and a connection with facts and numbers will get you so far only. The way our brains are wired, all our decisions are made in the limbic / reptilian parts of our brains. This is where our pictures, stories, emotions, feelings, decisions, gut instinct, intuition are based. Our Neo Cortex – our ‘brain risk management system’ is where our speech and facts and numbers are processed and located. Sitting down with someone sprouting facts may get their attention for a small amount of time, however you will notice you are starting to get a little bored, your mind starts to wander.

You have to remember to sell the story sizzle!

We all have a ‘universal mind’ that links us together as humans with shared experiences. The more we can free our ‘personal minds / ego’ to hear and access ‘the universal mind’, the clearer our picture becomes, the clearer our ability to listen becomes, the clearer the stories we can tell and the stories we can receive.

Next time you are meeting someone either for the first time or someone you know well. Tell them a story. Paint a Picture. Set the scene. Take them on a journey. Build empathy. Build excitement and notice the incredible effect it will have on the other person and your relationship and notice the positive effect it has NOW on your life.

......and in your imagination you too can be sitting with my Father feeling the warmth and love and power of a wonderful bonding story.

----------------------------------------------------- My Top 10 Storytelling Tips:

1.     Have a Structure – An Open – A Middle and a Close.

2. Set the scene.

3.     Take people on a journey with a strong hook that entices them.

4.     Make it memorable and simple.

5.     Build excitement.

6.     Create empathy.

7.     Share personal experiences you are deeply connected to.

8.     Use your imagination and creativity.

9.     Use colour and pictures.

10. Be daring and have fun.

Go on - I dare you !

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This is the third article from Allen Martin exploring the ‘Meta Game’ – the magic that is going on underneath the surface of communication.

The first 2 articles are also on Linked in and are on the subjects of:

?'The Power of the Pause - Where the Magic Happens' and 'Empathic Listening - Dancing in the Moment'.

In subsequent articles, he will be exploring the many other areas of how we can use the elements of tone and body language to influence those around us to have deeper and richer conversations and get even better results every time.

Allen Martin is a Business Consultant, Sales / Development Trainer, Executive Coach and Author currently working in the fields of Media, Finance, Commodities and Charities to help both individuals and groups develop their own personal toolboxes and become even better versions of themselves.