Why tell the truth anyway

Over the centuries people were literally killed for telling the truth. They were hung, crucified and persecuted for saying anything that society deemed unacceptable.

Maybe that’s why it feels like death.

Now the world is a little different. There are other forces at play which are literally pushing us off the cliff. This means speaking the truth is no longer an aspirational affair for a better society but rather a need for you to exist.

This time you actually die from not speaking your truth, not expressing yourself fully and not being who and what you are meant to be. So now is the time to show ourselves because:

1. Everyone is committing suicide, we may as well face death
2. Everyone is getting sick, we may as well put the chips down
3. Everyone wants love, we may as well experience it
4. Everyone gets hit by the trauma bus, we may as well face it
5. Everyone wants to live a good life, we may as well live it

But even so we can break down the practical reasons we would choose to “die before we die” into 3 key categories:

1. Opportunity?

The first is opportunity. This is less of an urgent need and still a perceived luxury. You love your husband but you’d still like to sleep with other men. Your job is ok, but you still have a burning desire to do something else. You have great friends who love you and are always there for you but think you might want to hang out with different people. The Phd you picked is good but you’re 3 years in and there is this other thing you’d just rather do. These are the minor but not so urgent signals of a life not completely lived. It’s not terrible where you are but it's not what you really want.

Even so, must you hold yourself prisoner to a perfect life? Of course not. You know there is a whole different you that is on the other side of voicing your truths. You know there is a whole world of opportunity available to you should you step out of your comfort zone. And you know that you can experience more freedom even when you convince yourself that all is currently ok.?But if things seem perfect and deep in your heart you know you are thwarting your emotional, psychological and spiritual growth by staying where you are, or not saying that important thing in your heart - it is then that you are holding yourself back from little truths and deaths that could lead to a whole new beautiful life for you.?

1. Agony

The second is the agony. This one burns differently. In this situation your life feels like chaos and it's either you jump off the mental cliff or the real one. But you don’t want to be alive anymore because it just hurts too much. It turns out a fair percentage of the world is in this box right now. 1 in 4 young Adults thinks about committing suicide. Why? Because they can't face their emotions and do what they need to do to change their current life situations. If you think about it, we only kill ourselves literally because we can’t kill ourselves egoically.

But the reason that this conversation feels timely is because we live in emotionally suffocating times. As a people we have never experienced mental difficulty at this magnitude. If this is how we’re all living then maybe we need to become something new. Life is asking us to face ourselves, speak our minds, express our feelings and experience the little egoic deaths so we can live more fully now. For some it is not the proposition of a better life in an idealistic sense but the only road to a life at all.

1. Necessity

The last reason is necessity. “Doesn't it feel like cancer is the new flu,” is how the documentary Heal on Netflix begins. Yes, because everyone and their mom seems to be getting cancer these days. You wake up and a little tumor knocks at your door. Maybe you’re only 35, maybe you’re only 55. Either way, it came too soon and unexpected. Why? Because you haven’t lived your best life yet. Cancer comes to those who have put their needs on the shelf and postpone happiness. That is why some cancer patients become very resentful in the last months of their lives. They have given too much to others and too little to themselves. Their doctors tell them that their life is now over and that they must begin their goodbyes. And this sucks, because you always thought the perfect time to be you was going to come. You always thought that you’d live your best life, date the person you really loved or go on the vacation at some perfect time in the future and now time has run out. ?

But you still have a choice to stick around. You need to make some radically new decisions that elevate you out of a prolonged depressed or resentful mental state. It is time to speak your true feelings even if they hurt others, end some relationships, leave your job, disappoint your kids and simply say fuck it. Because now, you have no choice. You either die the necessary deaths to live more fully now or you face the real and permanent impending death. For some, dying their deaths now is the only option but also life’s greatest gift.?

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Hi friends,

Thanks for reading.

I sent you my first mail last quarter to introduce the book “Die Before your Die: How to tell the truth so you can start living”

As I move toward completing the editing in Q4, I am going to share more frequently. I am going to keep it short and keep it useful so we can get more into the good stuff.

Talk more,