Why Team Lunches Mean So Much To Me

Free lunches have now become the norm and an expected perk at many Silicon Valley startups. Some companies even have their own chefs, offering customized dishes at all hours of the day. I remember walking into a very impressive kitchen at one of the most successful tech startups for a lunch meeting a few years ago. When the host told me that everything was free, my jaw dropped. I couldn't help myself from grabbing as much food as I could shamelessly. As I walked out of the dining room (with my belly full), I daydreamed about offering free lunches at my own startup someday.  

Fast forward to today, I feel very privileged and grateful to say that Wonolo, the startup which my team and I have been building for the last 4 years, now offers free lunches. It's not every day. It's twice a week on Mondays and Wednesdays. And we don't have our own chefs cooking in our kitchen. It's just a simple selection of catered food from local restaurants. Nevertheless, being able to provide free lunches to the team means so much to me, and here is why.

I was a junior in high school when I immigrated to America. I went to a boarding school in a quaint town called Wolfeboro, New Hampshire. During my first few months there, I had difficulty acclimating to a very new and foreign environment. However, there was one aspect of this transition that caused me serious anxiety - it was school lunch time. Specifically, walking into a large dining hall, alone, was a terrifying experience for me.  

I recall that I would look around the dining room, and see all these students sitting at various tables, mingling, conversing, and laughing with each other. As a 15-year-old teenage boy with self-confidence issues, I would not even dare to approach those tables. Instead, I would pick a table in the back corner, sit down by myself uncomfortably, and eat as fast as I could. Then, I would literally vault out of the dining room quickly after inhaling my food. Most days, I couldn't even taste what I was eating. It was my least favorite time of the day, and I found myself skipping lunch frequently.   

One day however, as I was about to sit down and eat my lunch alone, this boy with bright red hair came up to me and asked, "Can I sit with you?" I almost thought that he was joking, but he sat down and started talking to me with a giant smile. I don't remember exactly what we talked about because my English was still rudimentary. However, I still vividly recall embracing the life changing moment.

Over the next 20 years, I would practice paying it forward. For example, whenever I go to social events, I would look for someone who is sitting alone at a table, approach the person, and ask the same question, "Can I sit with you?" And inevitably there is that same response, a huge smile, the catalyst of an instant connection and belonging. I met a lot of amazing people through these opportunities. 

When Wonolo was a small team of 10, everyone would congregate around a designated table during lunch, and talk about everything from data science to the Kardashians. It was one of the most precious times for us to bond and connect. In fact, there are many studies illustrating the importance of eating together. Research shows that breaking bread with one another increases trust & cooperation, and connects people.  

As Wonolo grew over the years and as more new members joined, it started becoming more challenging to continuously build social connection inside the office. For example, 

• Lunch tables were increasingly empty, with only a small group of people scattered here and there.  
• It also became less organic for team members to eat with those that they did not know. Members from the same functions/teams were more likely to eat together, or people with similar interests gravitated towards each other. "Lunch silos" were being created.
• Also, more frequently, team members started eating at their own desks (I am, unfortunately, a frequent offender of this).  

As trivial as this may seem, it was an early sign of a scaling problem, and a potential risk to the amazing culture that the team has worked very hard to build - one that is inclusive and diverse (our team motto that we chant frequently is, "One Team One Dream").

This is one of the main reasons that we decided to offer weekly team lunches: to increase the frequency of connecting with each other and to create an environment of belonging. And an opportunity to continuously practice, "Can I sit with you?"

These five words represent warmth, care, humility, respect, curiosity, vulnerability, and courage - values that represent the very best of the company culture, values that help me build an amazing relationship with people I meet, and values that connect people.   

Over time, the team will continue to grow, and we will see each other much less than before. As a result, there will be more risks to the culture and our company's success. I recognize that the weekly team lunches will never be a silver bullet to solve this problem. However, they will provide an opportunity to build a connection with each other because the company itself is a connection of people who want to learn, grow, and make a difference.   

This is the reason why our weekly team lunches mean so much to me. Next time you see me at the lunch table, I would very much appreciate, "Can I sit with you?"